Funny 115 - version 2.0
I won chickens. Peace.
Samoa - episode 4
When I sat down to create the Funny 115 about five years ago,
there were five overall goals I was hoping to accomplish.
At the time, in order, I would say that these were
the five main achievements I was trying to pull off:
1. To get people to laugh more at Survivor.
2. To ask people to give Vanuatu another chance.
3. To get you to love Chris
4. To get you to really love Chris Daugherty.
To overuse Chris Daugherty so much that now you would come around and
actually hate him again.
For all five of these goals, I can proudly say..."mission
Chris Daugherty feels your hatred, and he doesn't care
Why do I mention my Chris-centric Funny 115 agenda here in
the #53 entry? Well because this entry features one of my top
agendas here on the new countdown.
If there is one character I would like you to appreciate after
version 2.0 ends, it is this guy. The star of this entry.
The guy I bet 95% of you didn't really care about four months
By the end of the Funny 115 Version 2.0, I will be able to sleep
well at night knowing that each and every one of you
appreciates the man they call "Danger."
Danger is his
Yes, I can only be talking about Ball.
Dave Ball. Danger Dave Ball. One of my
underutilised characters in Survivor history.
Why do I like
Danger Dave Ball so much? Well for the most part, I like him
because he is a comedian. Specifically, I like him because he
a comedian's comedian. You know how when you introduce a new
into a pack, the first thing he does is look around and figure out who
the alpha is? You know how when a kid walks into a new class
the first time, the first thing he does is look around to figure out
who the bully is going to be? Well that is the way I
when I watch Dave Ball.
Keep in mind here, I am a comedy
writer myself. This is kind of what I do. I write
that makes people laugh just about every day. Yet whenever
Ball comes onto the screen on Survivor, I stop and I take
Why do I take notes?
take notes because I enjoy the way that he thinks. I
notes because I enjoy the way that he talks. But mainly I
notes because... well, let's face it... because he is probably smarter
and funnier than me. Remember how I said that a dog will
look around a new pack and figure out who the alpha is? Well
is how I feel when I watch Danger Dave Ball. As a comedy
myself, I know that you can only become funny in life by
around and by studying funny smart people.
Dave Ball is a funny smart person, and this is why I appreciate him.
What can I say? I rock.
anyway, in honor of Danger Dave Ball, and his unique way of phrasing
things, I present this, the #53 entry on the Funny 115.
This is one of my favorite Survivor quotes of the past ten
and it could have only come out of the mouth of a funny smart person.
is episode four of Samoa, and the Galus and Foa Foas are competing in
the famous "Jeff just forgot to show up today" challenge.
This is the challenge where both tribes show up to compete, but they
don't know what the hell they are supposed to do because Probst
apparently slept through his alarm
clock that morning. So they just stand there and they look at
Danger Dave gives the Foa Foas the stink eye. Grrrrrr.
about ten minutes of everyone just standing there and staring,
Danger Dave opens a chest on the sand and discovers that there are
actually instructions inside. So he takes out a piece of
parchment and reads it out loud.
Dave, I just wanted to warn you about the all-women's alliance
Galu. They look strong. Use this idol to save
tonight, and to vote for Laura. I think she is the
Stay strong, and I'll see you at the merge. BFFs
letter doesn't really make any sense, so Danger Dave takes out a second
set of instructions, and this one actually does make sense.
"Hey there, this is Probst. I can't make it today, so just
run this stupid challenge by yourself."
throw balls or shit or whatever at a stick, and whoever gets the
closest wins chickens. I don't care. It's not like
is actually watching this season. You guys decide the rules."
"P.S. Boston Rob is awesome."
"P.P.S. Is it just me? Or is Russell about
three feet tall?"
Galus and the Foas Foas decide that they are going to play bocce ball
for today's challenge. That's right, the ancient Samoan sport
They line up about 40 feet away, and they start throwing balls at a
Mick with a particularly feckless throw
After five rounds, fifteen balls have been thrown, and the closest one
to the stick is a yellow Foa Foa ball.
Dave Ball is the last man left to throw, and
that means it is now all up to him. If he can get his ball
closer than the yellow Foa Foa balls, the Galus will return
victorious with their newly won chickens. And then Shambo
crazy over them, and it will lead to about five other Funny 115
entries, but that is a whole different storyline.
For now, all we know is that Danger Dave really wants to win those
The Man, concentrating on his last throw
He shushes all naysayers
Danger Dave and The Good Russell rush over to point out
the victory, and just like that, Danger Dave and the Galus are now the
proud owners of chickens.
After the challenge, The Galus go back to camp with
their new prize. And they are immediately hailed as returning
Dave Ball walking like a badass.
Laura comes up and gives him a big kiss
And this is where we get to the #53 entry on the Funny 115.
Dave Ball sits down for a confessional, and... as usual... he says
smart, funny things.
Like I said, this is one of my favorite confessionals ever.
"I won chicken."
"On the inside?"
"We win!! We win!! Yes!!"
"However, I'm just trying to stay emotionally centered. And
within the tribe."
"Gettin' cocky is a quick way to show me the door."
"I won chicken."
"What did you
Thank you for existing, Danger Dave Ball. You always make my
Samoa episodes funnier.
Danger Dave's O Face
P.S. Other funny smart people you can learn a lot from?
A good start would be Tyson