Funny 115 - version 2.0
Return of Jonny Fairplay
Fans vs Favorites - episode 1
know, when most people talk about Jonny Fairplay in Fans vs.
Favorites, the most common thing I hear among Survivor fans is usually
something along the lines of "God he sucked. He was such
a pussy little quitter. What an incredible
In fact I am guessing that just about 100% of the people who
reading this are probably shocked that Jonny Pain-in-the-ass (tm
Rupert) is even going to show up on the Funny 115 at all.
But you know what? I don't care.
don't care that Jon quit Fans vs. Favorites. I don't care
was only around for one episode. It doesn't really bother me
all. Call me lame or nostalgic. Call me stupidly
loyal. Call me gay or an idiot, or a stuck-in-2003 old school
dinosaur, whatever. I don't care.
All I know is that Jonny Fairplay is one of the top five characters in
Survivor history. He will always
be one of the top five most amazing characters in Survivor history.
And I will argue to my deathbed that he is the only truly
villain in Survivor history (sorry Russell, but you are an anti-hero.)
Fairplay might have been a huge disappointment in Fans vs. Favorites,
sure, but I don't care. Because I have too much respect for
he did eight years ago, and I will always love the guy.
As far as I am concerned, he gets Survivor carte blanche for life
because of this
anyway, yeah. Fans vs. Favorites was the much publicized
of Jonny Fairplay to the game of Survivor. It was the return
the king to his throne. It was his first appearance
TV since the day that Lill suddenly morphed into a
badass and turned him into her bitch (one of the
greatest villain downfalls ever.)
Lill eats steaks bigger than you
Jon's return in Micronesia a bit of a disappointment? Of
But it sure wasn't as bad as most people would have you
In fact I think he had a pretty good storyline for only being
around for one episode. I would dare say he had the best one
episode presence of any first boot in Survivor history.
Sorry Debb. But it's true.
"I hate you, Mario! Stop bringing me pain!"
anyway here you go. Here is Jonny Fairplay's one episode of
story arc in Fans vs Favorites. It honestly wasn't as lame
most people make it out to be. For what precious little
time he had, he was actually quite good.
I'm back, bitches!
Jon Dalton is back to play Survivor again. And to start the
season off, he has a little message for us.
"I played a perfect game last time. I consider myself the
greatest player in the history of the game."
Jon's best moment in Fans vs Favorites comes in the very first scene,
when he is first introduced to the tribe of Fans.
I don't care how much you hate Jon, or how much you hate the fact that
he quit. He was always going to make the Funny 115 just for
scene alone. This whole exchange between him and Jeff Probst
Jeff introduces the Fans to the Favorites at the start of the game
Yay! Eight Favorites plus Amanda!
"Oh yeah, there's one other douchebag who's playing for the Favorites
"Wanna meet him? Seriously, fuck this guy."
The Fans' faces before they see Jonny Fairplay walk out.
Jeff Probst: "Here he is. The most infamous of all
Some of them are not happy to see him.
Jeff Probst: "Jonny Fairplay, who already looks intoxicated."
Jon's new Survivor hat
Jon comes out and joins the Favorites. And right away Probst
He notices that Jon is dressed exactly like he is. Jonny
Fairplay is doing a very accurate Probst impression.
"So, Fairplay, are you dressing like me?"
"You wanna know what you're playin' for?"
The Favorites all lose it. Parvati literally points and
Coach is happy that someone finally gave it back to Probst
Very proud of himself
But Probst isn't going to go down that easily. He isn't a
He is the guy who calls the shots and runs the game for a reason.
"I'm actually impressed."
"I like to know that you have aspirations to get out of your current
place in life."
"Good to see you Jeff. Always a pleasure."
After his big (losing) showdown with
Probst, we proceed to scene two. Where Jon has yet another
(losing) showdown with another person.
Only this one is a lot funnier because of who he has the showdown with.
Yes, it's time for the most random, hilarious, ridiculous feud in
It is time for the big showdown between Fairplay and Yau-Man.
We're about ten minutes into the season, and the Favorites
are hunting on the beach for a hidden immunity idol.
Yau-Man and Fairplay see it on the end of the boat and both go lunging
Yau-Man gets there first and slams Jon's head into the boat
Boom goes the dynamite
Jonny Fairplay just got owned by a little old Asian man
so if it wasn't bad enough that Fairplay just got owned by a
little old Asian man, what makes it even better is that now he has to
go into a confessional and start bitching about it.
you're going to start a random bitch fest against Yau-Man?
Really? Against Yau-Man?? This guy is now your
for the rest of the game?
"I can explain how your subcortex works!"
yes. Apparently now they are enemies. Because this
Jonny Fairplay sets off on his personal vendetta against the villainous
"Trust me, Yau Man is not America's hero like you think he is."
"Even Jonny Fairplay wouldn't tackle someone's head into the side of a
boat for an immunity idol."
"Yau-Man's not nice. He sucks."
Not nice. Sucks.
"So soon as that idol's gone, see you later, bucko."
anyway, yeah. Up to this point, Jonny Fairplay actually has a
pretty solid Survivor storyline. He is the guy who the Fans
who Jeff Probst mocks, who is in a ridiculous laughable feud with
Yau-Man, and who is now vowing revenge. In just about any
Survivor season, you have the makings of a pretty good storyline here.
Ah, but that's when things start to go awry for the single great
villain in Survivor history.
It's around this point that something happens that sort of
changes the direction of Jonny Fairplay's Micronesia storyline.
Why does Jonny Fairplay start crying and suddenly want to quit about
midway through episode one? Who knows.
are lots of theories floating around out there. Some
believe he was scared that his legacy would be damaged if he were the
first one gone, so he decided to "quit" to spare the embarrassment of
being voted out first. Some people believe he was in a lot
pain because of an incident where Danny Bonaduce assaulted him a couple
of weeks before he left for the show, and it was too much for him to
handle right then without his prescription painkillers. Some
people believe he was just a washed up old has-been that really didn't
know how to play Survivor anymore, and was over his head. My
friend Rowan claims that Jon knew he could never do well in
Survivor without Burton.
What was Jon's official
explanation on the show? Well his official explanation for
quitting was that he missed his pregnant girlfriend back home, and that
he was worried about the upcoming birth of their daughter.
But again, who knows if that is the truth. Again,
talking about Jonny Fairplay here. I doubt we will ever know
exactly what happened with him.
There are some who believe it was all just a miscalculated homage to
the Iron Sheik
Jon decided that he wanted to quit, his storyline in Micronesia was
fairly short and predictable. In fact, it can be summed up
accurately in the following exchange:
Parvati: "So who should we vote for tonight?"
Jon: "Vote for me."
And, well, that's just about it for the Return of Jonny Fairplay.
He asks the Favorites to vote him out, they do exactly as he says, and
that's about it.
The greatest villain in Survivor history is gone in one episode.
Hi Jon. Confucius say "Eat me."
But of course he wouldn't be Jonny Fairplay if he didn't go out with
if you only remember one thing about Jon Dalton and his
in Fans vs Favorites, please don't remember the quitting.
don't focus on the fact that he cried. As Rob Cesternino once
said, you shouldn't be focusing on the bad things, you should be
focusing on the happy stuff.
If there is only one thing you should remember about Jonny Fairplay in
Fans vs. Favorites, it is the way he went out.
Here we go. Great ending.
This is classic Fairplay.
"Six votes, Jon. That's enough."
"Jonny Pain-in-the-ass, the tribe has spoken."
And that's when Jonny Fairplay does something that very few other
ever tried before in Survivor history.
"Can I get a hug?"
Hug it out, boys.
Yes. He's still one of the five greatest characters in