The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#54.
Roll it on Rupert's toe
Heroes vs. Villains - ep 2
Hey kids. It's trivia time!
Who is the most beloved player in Survivor history?
Meeeee!!!!!!!!!
Nope.
Sorry, Stephenie. I'm not talking about you.
I am
talking about somebody else. Who is the most popular iconic
hero
in 22 seasons of Survivor? Who is the player that everyone
and
their grandmother loves?
What? No. Someone else.
No. Ew.
Well okay, at least we're getting closer. But isn't there
someone who is... you know... a little more
popular?
Meeeee!!!!!!!
Stephenie,
no, I already said it's not you. Come on, you guys.
Who is
the big hero that all the other heroes aspire to be? This
isn't
that hard.
G Sizzle? Can you tell us?
What the fuck? Okay this is getting ridiculous.
Look, last time. WHO IS THE MOST POPULAR PLAYER IN SURVIVOR
HISTORY?? MY SIX YEAR OLD NEPHEW COULD ANSWER THIS!
No.
No!
No!!!
Huh?
"I'm Russell Hantz."
Okay fine. I can see this is going to be too hard for you
guys.
"I love it when Colby's hard."
No,
if you are talking about the single most beloved player in Survivor
history... if you are talking about the end all be all of iconic
Survivor heroes... if you are talking about the guy who people actually
name their kids after... the guy you are talking about has
got to
be none other than the one, the only... the tie-dyed hero himself,
Rupert Boneham.
Without a doubt, Rupert is the most beloved character in
Survivor history.
Poopert
In
episode one of Heroes vs. Villains, Rupert came back from retirement to
once again grace our screens with his awesome and austere presence.
And millions of people rejoiced. Because if there
is one
thing that America loves, if there is one thing that this great country
of ours loves more than trans fat, Justin Bieber, and not giving a shit
about soccer combined, it is our beloved national tie-dyed superhero,
Rupert.
So anyway, Rupert comes back to Survivor for Heroes vs. Villains.
Millions of voices cheer out in unison.
At
least, they cheer out until the first immunity challenge.
Because that is where tragedy strikes. And it all
happens
very quickly.
Rupert has the medics check out his foot after the first challenge
Turns out his toe is broken
One episode in, and his comeback is over
As you can guess, this is a horrible blow to the Survivor audience.
Rupert?
Our national hero? The most popular Survivor player
ever?
The guy who is now fourth in line for the presidency?
Out
of commission after the very first immunity challenge?
This is horrible. Say it isn't so!
America
Rupert's
comeback is over. His toe is shattered. He
can barely
walk. Millions and millions of fans are now depressed.
And how does our old friend Randy Bailey react to this news?
Guy Smiley
Well this is why Randy is awesome.
It
is the episode two immunity challenge. Seriously-- this is
important here-- this is THE VERY NEXT EPISODE after Rupert breaks his
toe
The challenge involves rolling giant heavy wooden crates from one end
of the course to another
And what advice does Randy have for his fellow Villains in the
challenge?
What strategy does the King of Mean think would be the wisest for the
Villains to employ here?
Does
he have any sympathy for the fact that the most beloved player in
Survivor history is now operating at about twenty percent?
Fuck that. Of course he doesn't. We're not talking
about a nice guy. We are talking about the King of Gabon.
Randy has a helpful strategy tip to share with Rob and Tyson
God bless you Randy. You make every scene you are in just a
little bit better.
It's good to be the king
