The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#65.
Amanda's dead eyes
China, Fans vs Favorites, and Heroes vs Villains - all season long
"And,
you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes.
Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes."
"When he comes at ya,
doesn't seem to be living."
"I met this six year old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless
face."
"...and the blackest eyes. The
Devil's eyes. "
"I
watched him for fifteen years, sitting in a room staring at a wall, not
seeing the wall. Looking past the wall. Looking at
this
night, inhumanly patient. Waiting for some secret, silent
alarm
to trigger him off."
"What
are they doing? Why do they come here? Some kind of
instinct.
Memory, of what they used to do. This was an important place
in their
lives."
"You
always have a glazed over look on your face. Was that part of
your strategy, to kind of play the zombie pretty girl, not really
knowing what’s going on pageant queen cliché?"
By now I'm sure you get the joke. Yes, Amanda Kimmel kind of
looks like a zombie.
But
here's the thing. As much as I love "The Amanda
Zombie
Face", what makes it so spectacularly awesome (and perfect for the
Funny 115) is the fact that... you know, most of the time, Amanda is
actually an extraordinarily attractive person. I mean, come
on,
you're not just talking about some random girl off of the
street
here. You're not talking about some chick who is
only kind
of cute, like the girl next door. Amanda Kimmel isn't just
"kind
of" cute, she happens to be a former Miss Montana.
She is so
cute that she has actually won beauty contests because of it.
In real life, Amanda is so hot that I bet most other women
tend to naturally hate her.
Shwing!
But
what happens with Amanda... how she winds up with a zombie face... is
that she's got dead eyes. Or, as Doctor Sam Loomis said
above,
"the Devil's eyes." She's got the type of eyes that look
creepy
in pictures if you see them from the wrong angle. It's not
really
her fault, she was just born that way. She was born with eyes
that are flat, lifeless, heavy-lidded, and opaque.
So what happens is that the minute Amanda stops smiling...
The minute the emotion goes out of her face and all her facial muscles
go slack...
The minute she starts concentrating on something and is trying to look
all serious...
She comes off looking like... well, you guessed it....
A zombie.
So
anyway, here we go. Here are the top 15 pictures of Amanda
looking like a zombie. Or of Amanda just staring off blankly
into
The Dead Zone. Or of Amanda's flat eyes just
looking weird
and creepy and lifeless in a picture. I dug through every
single
freaking minute she spent playing Survivor (over three different
seasons!), and these are my 15 favorites.
This was a lot harder than it looks, by the way. Believe me,
there were a lot of nominees for this countdown.
And
yes I cheated on some of them by screen capping her in the middle of a
sentence. Screw you, I can do whatever I want. It's
my list.
The Top 15 "Amanda in
the Dead Zone" pictures
15. Crap, I think Medusa got her
14. I can see into your soul!!
13. She's a demon!!!
12. The Devil's eyes
11. Brrraaaiiinnnsss!!!
10. There is no Dana, there is only Zuul
9. Wait'll they get a load of me
8. Brrraaaiiinnnsss!!!!!!
7. Welcome to the Dead Zone
6. Fresh from the grave
5. Tom is way into necrophilia
4. Braaaaaaaaaaaaiiinnnsssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Watch out Todd! She's a flesh eater!
2. Looking at the wall. Looking through the wall.
1. J.T., just leave her alone. She's dead.
P.S.
By the way, want a great quote about Amanda that is way
funnier
now after you have read this entry? Check out this quote from
Parvati towards the end of Micronesia.
P.P.S.
When I originally sat down to create "The Amanda Face" entry,
I
originally thought it was going to be her other famous face, the
infamous Amanda Doe Eyes. However, once I realized that there
were way more pictures of her looking like a corpse, I switched from
Doe Eyes to Dead Eyes, and I think it made a funnier entry.
However, if you are a fan of the Amanda Doe Eyes, here you go.
Merry Christmas.
P.P.P.S. Want a great video of somebody making fun
of yet another famous Amanda Face? Check out
this clip on Youtube where Jerri makes fun of Amanda's "sour
face." Thanks Jerri. I love Jerri.
P.P.P.P.S.
By the way, as much as I love pictures of Amanda, I also
equally
love quotes about Amanda. All of these quotes were
taken
from my
Funny 115 discussion thread at Survivor Sucks. If
you
have never stopped by and read the thread at Sucks before, you really
should, because there are some funny people there:
From newslang: "I
don't know if it's really something that can be included on the Funny
115 but it's kinda funny how similar Amanda's China/Micronesia games
were. Pretty UTR for the first bit, a strategic final 7
episode,
she gets close to a person at the final 5, then boots them, she wins
the final 2 immunities (and makes a strategic decision in both of them
with flipping the cup/underhanding the rods), she votes out the
overweight middle aged women, then she has a meltdown
and fails
the final Tribal Council, only getting votes from young males."
From tullfan3:
"With regard to the "Amanda face", Natalie refers to it as a
glazed over, zombified look. The problem with the Micronesia
jury
is that Natalie, Alexis and Eliza all seem to have it in for Amanda but
it doesn't follow from the editing. The only thing that makes
sense is that the 3 of them are all jealous that a vapid airhead beat
them."
And my favorite...
From linesinaconversation:
"Amanda is so much worse and better than people give her
credit for. "
"Yo, she bitch. Come get some!"
