The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#69.  Russell's new strategy
Heroes vs Villains - episode 7

People who have known me for a long time are probably already aware of this, but if you are new to my writing, and don't really know who I am or what I do, I should probably point out that there are three things I am known for aside from writing The Funny 115.  

Aside from this countdown, the three things I have been known for in the past are A) my Fallen Comrades parodies, B) my All-Star Survivor stories, and C) being the guy who fought with Russell Hantz and the entire Hantz Nation in the summer of 2010.

Russell Hantz

I'm not going to get into a big long story about what happened between me and the Hantz zealots last summer (although you can read about it here if you want), but suffice it to say that I am not much of a fan of Russell, and he (and his fans) are definitely not much fans of mine.  I stand by my belief that Russell is a terrible player who doesn't even understand how the game of Survivor works, and his fans stand by their belief that I am a loudmouth idiot and that I should fuck off and die in a fire.  At this point, I think it is safe to say that we have pretty much reached a gentlemen's stalemate.

Hi, I suck

However, if you want to know why I continue to say that Russell is a terrible Survivor player, you need look no further than the #69 entry on the Funny 115.  This is one of those quickie little scenes that was just jaw-dropping amazing the first time I saw it, and it continues to make me laugh each and every time I see it again.  Ladies and gentlemen, this is the behavior of a player who will never win Survivor.

Oh yeah, as an added bonus, this entry also features two of my favorite funny characters of all time, Courtney Yates and Sandra.  Hooray for the fist bumpers!*

* - not lesbian slang

Sandra and Courtney chilling out with Brett

So anyway, here we go.  One of my favorite Heroes vs. Villains moments, because of how inept it makes Russell look, and one of my wife's favorite Heroes vs. Villains moments, because she thinks is hilarious how the editors presented it.   This scene was a slam dunk for the Funny 115 the minute I saw it.

It is episode 7 of Heroes vs Villains, and Russell and Boston Rob are discussing today's immunity loss to the Heroes.  Russell isn't happy that the Heroes are on a little bit of a hot streak now.

"Yeah, right now the heroes are... starting to win."

"We have to do something."

"What do you think?"

"I think we need to weed off the weak."

"Who do you suggest?"

"One of these."

"One of who?"

And that's when we get one of the greatest unexpected reveals in 22 seasons of Survivor.  The cameraman pans down a little bit to the left and... yep... you got it.  Sandra and Courtney are sitting about two feet away.  Russell has been sitting here talking shit about the two of them... when they are literally sitting on the sand right next to him.

"These two right here."

Shit eating grin

My God, the first time I saw this scene, I practically fell off the couch and started laughing on the floor.  Because it was just edited in such a genius way.  It was like the cameraman knew that Russell was about to do something stupid like this, so he specifically kept Courtney and Sandra out of the frame just so, 30 seconds later, he could have an ironic reveal.  It is one of the greatest instances of cameramanship I have ever seen on Survivor.   And you thought that Jeff Probst was the only guy who made this show good.

Here is Russell talking shit about Sandra and Courtney, and then the ironic Sandra/Courtney reveal, captured in all of its animated gif glory.  My wife still insists very vehemently that this should be a top 10 entry.   She said it is one of the best Survivor editing moments she has ever seen.  It is hard to disagree with her.


Now, normally, that would be enough for a Funny 115 entry.  I mean, the editors don't beat you over the head with it like they do with some of the other funny Survivor editing moments, but just there in its subtle, ironic, ridiculous way, that reveal alone would be enough for the countdown.

But guess what?  The scene isn't entirely over yet.

Because first we had Russell do something stupid.  That was awesome.  Then we got the ironic reveal.  That was even better.  And now we get the icing on the cake.  Now we get Boston Rob sitting there and laughing about it.

Rob just stares at Russell after that ridiculous attempt at strategy

Now he starts to crack up.  The realization starts to set in.

Holy crap.  This new guy Russell is an idiot.

As Rob's wife probably says a lot back at home:  "Oh.  My.  God."

(defensively) "Well what do you want me to say?"

(laughing)  "I don't know.  I... uh... don't think that's a (laugh) good way to gather friends, I don't think."

"(to Courtney and Sandra, laughing) How do you two feel about that?"

Sandra:  "%$!@$!#."

Courtney (sarcastically):  "Oh no.  I think... I think he's right."

Courtney's best "fuck you" smile

Rob is just laughing now

(still in disbelief) "What kind of logic is that, Russell?  That's a new one."

"No hard feelings for nobody.  It's really just a game.  I have..."

Rob (interrupting him):  "I don't think I've ever quite heard to sit with someone, and tell someone that I'm gonna vote you or you off."

"I never heard that approach before."

"You never heard it?"


"You'd be amazed how good that approach works sometimes."

(laughing) "That's a new one."

"I'm Russell Hantz."

And so there you have it.  Exhibit A in why I say that Russell doesn't understand Survivor, and why I say he really isn't even all that good at it.   And if you don't believe me, just look at how the editors and the cameraman set up this scene.  They specifically framed the whole shot just to set him up and make him look like an idiot.  They totally set him up to take a fall, because they knew it was coming.  

Remember, I have nothing personal against Russell as a person.  In real life, he is probably a very nice guy.  And I hear that out of all the Survivors, he is one of the best to his fans.  I just happen to think that he has never been screwed over by a "flaw" or a "bitter jury" or whatever the latest excuse is ("God gave Matt too much help!  God is partisan and it's not fair!"), and that he needs to stop bitching about it.

Remember, there is no flaw in the game of Survivor.  The only flaw at all is that Russell just sucks at it.

Russell is awesome

* Special thanks to IceIce at Survivor Sucks for the CGI Brett picture.

<------ 70

Back to The Funny 115 - version  2.0

#68 ------>