The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#78.
Randy's final vote
Gabon - finale
One of the hallmarks of a great Survivor character is that,
above all else, they must have a memorable ending. There
must be
some exclamation point at the end of their storyline that will forever
cement what their legacy is going to be in the annals of Survivor
history.
And... um... luckily, for Randy Bailey, we have just about the perfect
exclamation point.
Snarly McSnarlington
Randy
Bailey's experience in Survivor: Gabon can pretty much be
summed
up in this sentence: "Kenny sucks, Susie you suck too, I hate
this tribe, I hate Crystal's fucking guts, GC is an idiot, Matty can go
to hell, and the little fat drunk pinup girl is a retard." At
no
point in Gabon did he seem to be having fun, or enjoying the game, or
enjoying the people around him, or-- hell-- even enjoying the fact that
he had been cast on Survivor in the first place. He seemed to
hate pretty much every single person in the game, if not just flat out
every single minute of the game.
Needless to say, I loved him. He was one of my favorites.
I'm
not sure what Randy is saying here, but I'm pretty sure it involves
some combination of the words "Sugar", "stupid", and "whore."
So anyway, yeah, Randy was great. He was TV gold from the
very first minute he showed up in episode one.
But
if you want to see the great big exclamation point on the storyline of
"Randy Bailey, the Debbie Downer of Survivor", if you want to see the
moment that forever cemented him as the best non-Rudy sourpuss in
Survivor history, you might as well skip ahead to the last
three
minutes of the Gabon finale. Just go to the very last thing
that
Randy ever did in Survivor: Gabon.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the kind of thing that the truly great
characters in Survivor history are all supposed to have.
This is where his storyline finishes up with an exclamation point.
It's the Survivor: Gabon finale, and Susie, Bob, and Sugar now sit in
front of the Gabon jury, awaiting judgment.
Naturally, Randy hates them all
By the way, here's one thing I have always loved about Randy.
Whether you like him or not, you have to agree at a certain point that
at least he is consistent.
Don't
believe me? Well here he is giving almost the exact same
face a couple of Tribal Councils earlier. It's about
nine
days later now, and his expression has barely changed!
Like him or not, he's consistent!
So
anyway, Randy hates all three of these finalists, he has no respect for
any one of them as people, or for the way they played the game, and he
is infuriated that he now has to vote for one of these clowns as the
Sole Survivor of Gabon.
And of course yes. It is still
festering in the back of his head how they all ganged up to embarrass
and humiliate him the night he was voted out about a week and a half
ago.
Crystal yells her comments for Randy so loud that he can hear them
Note:
Don't worry, we'll talk more about Randy's final Tribal
Council
much later on the Funny 115. All you need to know for now is
that
he was violated, humiliated, and totally spent his final night as a
player in Gabon. He took more abuse that final day than Joe
Pesci's testicles took in Home Alone.
There is a reason he wasn't a very big fan of any of the Gabon
finalists, you know.
We're back to the final Tribal Council in Gabon, and it is just about
time for the jury to vote for the winner.
Randy walks up to the podium to decide his favorite
Which one will he pick? Which player does he respect and
admire more the most out of Susie, Bob, and Sugar?
I believe the correct answer is... "None of the above."
In
the loudest, most obnoxious voice possible, Randy holds up his vote,
and he screams loud enough for everybody in the country of Gabon to
hear...
"ALL THREE OF YOU!
KISS!
MY! ASS!!!!!!!!"
Ha
ha. Gets me every single time I watch it. Randy
totally
steals Crystal's move of yelling loud enough for the players to hear.
He basically takes what she did to him, and he does the
exact
same thing to Susie, Bob and (especially) Sugar.
It's just a wonderful Randy Bailey "I hate everyone" storyline
exclamation point.
Jeff Probst hears Randy's comment and he tries to hold back a smile
The final three crack up
The jury cracks up
Even Randy's old nemesis Crystal starts to crack up
Ah yes. Randy Bailey and his infamous "KISS MY ASS!!!!!" vote.
It's the perfect ending to one of the most perfect character storylines
in Survivor history.
Even Randy deserves a happy ending
