The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#85.  Chop 'em up like poop
Cook Islands - episode 9

In the annals of Survivor history, there have been a lot of great, iconic, insightful, unforgettable quotes.

Here are some favorites:

"I may be a lot of things, but I aint no Hershey bar."

"We got enough rawks here too!  We could build a pretty decent shelter just usin' rawwwks!"

"No you guys, it's good.  It's a little hard candy mint.  I don't want it."

"Jon's a snake, yeah, and he lies.  But he also tells the truth, too."

"Me and Richard got to be pretty good friends.  Not in a homosexual way, that's for sure."

"Oh my godddddddd!  It's sooooooo goooooood!!"

"We had a hot amber going, and I was like, guys... we have a hot amber.  Yeah... we've got amber!"


"Hey you weren't videotaping me when I was blowing you, were you?"

Yes, all of those pearls were Survivor (and also Funny 115) favorites.

And now... with the #85 entry... I am proud to be able to introduce a brand new one.

Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the latest and greatest iconic entry in the all-time Survivor Quote Hall of Fame.  It is from Cook Islands quote machine, and all around hammy spazzy attention whore, Nate Gonzalez.

Nate doing Nate things

Nate doing more Nate things


So anyway here we go.  Here is my favorite Nate quote.

Nate?  Care to share some some of your wisdom with us?

It's right after the episode nine immunity challenge.  Nate (right) is talking to his alliance mate Brad.

Things are looking good for them tonight

Why?  Well because they got numbers, Homey.

Brad knows what he is saying

And now we come to a quote that could only have come out of Nate's mouth.

Since the guy spent most of the season making up words and just randomly making up odd catchphrases, I suppose at a certain point it was only obvious he was going to start making up similes as well.  

So here you go.

One of my all time favorite bizarre random Survivor quotes.

Really, Nate?  Really?

That's how you are going to chop them up?

Like poop?


I wish I had more to say about this quote, but I don't.  Because honestly, what else is there to say?

Other than... did I miss something?   Did I miss a memo or something?  

Did I miss a meeting?  

All these years, have I supposed to have been chopping up my poop??

Has nicely chopped poop

And, well, I guess that's it.  Thanks for the quote, Nate.

P.S.  I know a lot of Survivor fans can't stand Nate, and I know a lot of people think he's hammy and that he tries too hard, but I actually had a lot of fun watching him in Cook Islands.  

Yes, he can be hammy at times.  Yes, I will agree with that.  But Cook Islands kind of needed somebody to be hammy.  The cast on the whole (minus Penner and Cao Boi) was so humorless, and was so dull most of the time, that a guy like Nate was probably the most valuable guy in the cast.  Yeah he might not have been the funniest guy in the world, but compared to cyborgs like Yul and Ozzy and Becky, he was practically Rudy Boesch.  So I will defend Nate Gonzalez to the death against people who say he was an annoying Survivor character.  I love the way he just made up words half of the time.  I love the bizarre way he phrased things, and I thought his hamminess on the jury was pretty amusing too.  And of course, there's also the now infamous poop quote.  Who else would ever come up with a quote like "We'll chop 'em up like poop"?  

If nothing else, I think you should appreciate Nate for his verbal creativity.  No, he's not an A+ Survivor character like Coach or Sandra.  But you don't need an A+ character when the rest of the cast is mostly D's and F's.  I give Nate a solid B as a Survivor character, and on a season like Cook Islands that pretty much rounds up to an A.

The fourth funniest character in Cook Islands lets loose

P.P.S.  Oh yeah and yay!  Our first Cook Islands entry!

Don't get used to it, by the way.  There are only four Cook Islands moments total on the Funny 115.   Have I mentioned how  unfunny a season it is?

Cook Islands, unchopped

* Thanks to Lexxan at Survivor Sucks for the "O RLY?" joke.

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