The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#84.   Sandra meets Sugar
Heroes vs Villains - episode 1

I have gone on record before saying that Heroes vs. Villains episode one is easily the single funniest episode in Survivor history.  

Now, even though this is something I have been saying on Survivor Sucks for months, a lot of you who don't know me might find this sentence to be a little bit jarring.  "Really?  The Heroes vs. Villains premiere?" you might say, "What happened in that one?  Wasn't that episode where Stephenie dislocated her shoulder?  And Rupert broke his toe?  What was so g.d. funny about that??"

Ah yes.  The innocence of naivete.  Your naivete makes me smile, newbie Survivor viewer.

Mmmmm..... Ozzy.............

Before I get to the #84 entry on the countdown, let me just show you a little background of how I researched and put together the Funny 115.  This is the first time I have ever posted a picture of my super secret Funny 115 research notes, but it is sort of necessary to explain why I say that the H vs V premiere is the funniest Survivor episode ever.

There, finish reading all that?  Good.

I know a preamble was kind of unnecessary for a quickie entry about Sandra, but I thought you should at least have an explanation for why I say that Heroes vs. Villains episode one is so awesome, and for why I say that Cook Islands sucks.  Because it really does.  The second time you go back and watch it, Cook Islands is practically unwatchable.

So anyway, onto entry #84.

Even though I have gone on record saying that I hate All-Star seasons, and that I hate the politics/rewriting of history/legacy assassination that goes along with All-Star seasons, I can't deny that there is something irresistible about watching two characters who have no business interacting with each other interacting.  

Case in point?

Sugar from Gabon and Sandra from Pearl Islands.

Now, on paper, if you take a look at these two characters in the context of Survivor history, they really have no business ever being in the same scene with one another.  After all, Sugar was one of the sweetest characters in Survivor history.  She was the goody goody daddy's girl from Gabon who cried whenever she thought of her poor dead father.  And Sandra?  Well Sandra was just a nasty surly foul mouthed Pearl Islands biotch.

The idea of Sugar and Sandra ever appearing in the same scene a few years ago would have been downright laughable.  I mean, come on.  Sugar and Sandra?  One of them pre All-Stars, one of them post All-Stars?  One of them who cries at the drop of the hat, and the other one who would curse out the Baby Jesus if he was being too loud in his manger?

These two random Survivor characters ever being in a scene together?  Really??

As much as I hate the idea of All-Stars, these are the random interactions that can also make All-Star seasons awesome!

Oh, now this won't end well

So anyway, it is episode one of Heroes vs. Villains (aka the awesome episode) and S-Bomb Sandra is about to meet Simpering Sugar for the very first time.

And... well... what happened was even way more entertaining than I would have imagined.

And, believe me, I was laughing at the idea of these two characters meeting before it even happened.

The Heroes and the Villains (and Amanda) fight over buried bags

In the episode one reward challenge, the two tribes square off to fight over bags buried in the sand.  The first tribe that can dig up a bag, fight off the other tribe, and bring it back to their starting mat wins a point.

Oh yeah, and since two tribes are fighting over only one bag, that can only mean one thing.

This challenge will be very physical, and will feature lots of fights.

Like this one.  Parvati just said that Cafe Mia has the best filet mignon pizza in Philly, and Stephenie offers a rebuttal.

So anyway, it's round four of the reward challenge, and this is where we get our legendary showdown.

Sugar and Candice for the Heroes

Versus Sandra and Courtney for the Villains

Survivors, ready!


And the battle is on

Sandra pretty soon has Sugar in a chestlock

Iron elbows iron

Sandra attempts to rip Sugar's top off

From almost the very first moment they tangle in the sand, Sandra is fixated on Sugar's top.  She goes right for it.  I don't know why exactly, it probably has something to do with being up against somebody she can actually overpower for a change, but that seems to be Sandra Diaz-Twine's only first strike capability.  She goes right for the bikini top.

The first time she gets her down, Sandra tries to rip it off, but she can't quite do it.  Sugar is too wiggly, she fights back too hard, and Sandra is unable to get it off.

But oh.  That second time?

This is where the Survivor magic happens.

Sandra and Sugar fight over the bag

Sandra shoves Sugar to the ground.  Probably accompanied by an F bomb.

But wait, Candice flips the bag to Sugar!

Sugar tries to run it back for the point, but Sandra tackles her

And then finally?  

The bra removal.

Rather than go for the bag, Sandra just gets Sugar in an arm lock and decides to take her top off

"The bag is now free!"

Fuck that Probst, I'm busy.  Lemme just do this thing.

"The bag is totally free!"

Mission accomplished.  Sandra finally unhooks her bikini top.

Sugar struggles to stand up

Sandra tries to keep both Sugar and Candice under control, but it's not gonna work

Sugar slips out of her bikini top and stands up

Time to race to the topless victory!

And... well... let's watch the rest via the magic of the animated .gif.

Sugar races to victory, and then gives Sandra a little gift of her own

Awesome.  I love this scene.

I love how you have two of the most oddly mismatched characters in Survivor history (Sugar and Sandra), and the first time they meet they do exactly what you kind of expect they will do.  Sugar is too nice, Sandra is too mean, and their first confrontation ends with Sandra fighting too dirty, and Sugar missing part of her wardrobe.  

Oh but... wait a minute.  I guess this confrontation wasn't exactly like it was supposed to be on paper.  I mean, who would have predicted that the first Sugar-Sandra showdown would have ended with Miss Sobby Mypoordeadfatherton doing something  like this?

The rare double blur

Like I said before, it is the random interaction between characters who have no business interacting with each other than can make All-Star seasons awesome.  And it is scenes like this that make Heroes vs Villains episode one so incredible.  

And do you know what's even more incredible?  This won't even be the only appearance by this challenge on the Funny 115.  This particular challenge is going to show up at least three other times later on the countdown.

Do you appreciate the Heroes vs Villains premiere now??

I sure hope so.

Also in Heroes vs. Villains episode one

P.S.   Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't end this entry by showing one of my all-time favorite Sandra moments.

Sandra lost the challenge?  Whatever.  Afterwards she just tosses Sugar's top away like it's so much garbage.


P.P.S.  I posted this entry late last night, and I have already received two awesome emails from readers that I thought I should share.  So here you go:

From HagridOfTheDeep at Survivor Sucks:  "lmao, great Sandra entry. I think the icing on the cake though is when Sugar arrives at the mat. Just at the end of your gif there, you can see Cirie smiling and cheering as Sugar runs over. Suddenly, Cirie's demeanour changes. She's got a new priority. She realizes something. And so swiftly, she brings her hands down to make sure her tits are still safely inside her shirt. She doesn't wanna pull a Sugar. It's great.  It's pretty subtle, but it's moments like those that can really spice up a scene."

From Rowan Evans:  "My favourite thing about this moment is that Sandra removed the top of a former pin-up model, and thought that she would have some shame over it."

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