The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#84.
Sandra meets Sugar
Heroes vs Villains - episode 1
I have gone on record before saying that Heroes vs.
Villains episode one is easily the single funniest episode in Survivor
history.
Now, even though this is something I have been
saying on Survivor Sucks for months, a lot of you who don't know me
might find this sentence to be a little bit jarring. "Really?
The Heroes vs. Villains premiere?" you might say,
"What
happened in that one? Wasn't that episode where Stephenie
dislocated her shoulder? And Rupert broke his toe?
What was so g.d. funny about that??"
Ah yes. The innocence of naivete. Your naivete
makes me smile, newbie Survivor viewer.
Mmmmm..... Ozzy.............
Before
I get to the #84 entry on the countdown, let me just show you a little
background of how I researched and put together the Funny 115.
This is the first time I have ever posted a picture of my
super
secret Funny 115 research notes, but it is sort of necessary to explain
why
I say that the H vs V premiere is the funniest
Survivor episode ever.
There, finish reading all that? Good.
I
know a preamble was kind of
unnecessary for a quickie entry about Sandra, but I thought you should
at least have an
explanation for why I say that Heroes vs. Villains episode one is so
awesome, and for why I say that Cook Islands sucks. Because
it
really does. The second time you go back and watch it, Cook
Islands is practically unwatchable.
So anyway, onto entry #84.
Even
though I have gone on record saying that I hate All-Star seasons, and
that I hate the politics/rewriting of history/legacy assassination that
goes along with All-Star seasons, I can't deny that there is something
irresistible about watching two characters who have no business
interacting with each other interacting.
Case in point?
Sugar from Gabon and Sandra from Pearl Islands.
Now,
on paper, if you take a look at these two characters in the
context of Survivor history, they really have no business ever being in
the same scene with one another. After all, Sugar was one of
the
sweetest characters in Survivor history. She was the goody
goody
daddy's girl from Gabon who cried whenever she thought of her poor dead
father. And Sandra? Well Sandra was just a nasty
surly foul
mouthed Pearl Islands biotch.
The idea of Sugar and Sandra ever
appearing in the same scene a few years ago would have been downright
laughable. I mean, come on. Sugar and Sandra?
One of
them pre All-Stars, one of them post All-Stars? One of them
who
cries at the drop of the hat, and the other one who would curse out the
Baby Jesus if he was being too loud in his manger?
These two random Survivor characters ever being in a scene together?
Really??
As
much as I hate the idea of All-Stars, these are the
random interactions that can also make All-Star seasons
awesome!
Oh, now this won't end well
So
anyway, it is episode one of Heroes vs. Villains (aka the awesome
episode) and S-Bomb Sandra is about to meet Simpering Sugar for the
very first time.
And... well... what happened was even way more entertaining than I
would have imagined.
And, believe me, I was laughing at the idea of these two
characters meeting before it even happened.
The Heroes and the Villains (and Amanda) fight over buried bags
In
the episode one reward challenge, the two tribes square off to fight
over bags buried in the sand. The first tribe that
can dig
up a bag, fight off the other tribe, and bring it back to their
starting mat wins a point.
Oh yeah, and since two tribes are fighting over only one bag, that can
only mean one thing.
This challenge will be very physical, and will feature lots of
fights.
Like this one. Parvati just said that Cafe Mia has the best
filet mignon pizza in Philly, and Stephenie offers a rebuttal.
So anyway, it's round four of the reward challenge, and this is where
we get our legendary showdown.
Sugar and Candice for the Heroes
Versus Sandra and Courtney for the Villains
Survivors, ready!
Go!
And the battle is on
Sandra pretty soon has Sugar in a chestlock
Iron elbows iron
Sandra attempts to rip Sugar's top off
From
almost the very first moment they tangle in the sand, Sandra is fixated
on Sugar's top. She goes right for it. I
don't know why exactly, it probably has something to do with being up
against somebody she can actually overpower for a change, but that
seems to be Sandra Diaz-Twine's only first
strike capability.
She goes right for the bikini top.
The first time she
gets her down, Sandra tries to rip it off, but she can't quite do it.
Sugar is too wiggly, she fights back too hard, and Sandra is
unable to get it off.
But oh. That second time?
This is where the Survivor magic happens.
Sandra and Sugar fight over the bag
Sandra shoves Sugar to the ground. Probably accompanied by an
F bomb.
But wait, Candice flips the bag to Sugar!
Sugar tries to run it back for the point, but Sandra tackles her
And then finally?
The bra removal.
Rather than go for the bag, Sandra just gets Sugar in an arm lock and
decides to take her top off
"The bag is now free!"
Fuck that Probst, I'm busy. Lemme just do this thing.
"The bag is totally free!"
Mission accomplished. Sandra finally unhooks her bikini top.
Sugar struggles to stand up
Sandra tries to keep both Sugar and Candice under control, but it's not
gonna work
Sugar slips out of her bikini top and stands up
Time to race to the topless victory!
And... well... let's watch the rest via the magic of the
animated .gif.
Sugar races to victory, and then gives Sandra a little gift of her own
Awesome. I love this scene.
I
love how you have two of the most oddly mismatched characters in
Survivor history (Sugar and Sandra), and the first time they meet they
do exactly what you kind of expect they will do. Sugar is too
nice, Sandra is too mean, and their first confrontation ends with
Sandra fighting too dirty, and Sugar missing part of her wardrobe.
Oh but... wait a minute. I guess this confrontation
wasn't exactly
like it was supposed to be on paper.
I mean, who would have predicted that the first Sugar-Sandra
showdown would have ended with Miss Sobby Mypoordeadfatherton doing
something like this?
The rare double blur
Like
I said before, it is the random interaction between characters who have
no business interacting with each other than can make All-Star seasons
awesome. And it is scenes like this that make Heroes vs
Villains episode one so incredible.
And
do you know what's even more incredible? This won't even be
the
only appearance by this challenge on the Funny 115. This
particular challenge is going to show up at least three other times
later on the countdown.
Do you appreciate the Heroes vs Villains premiere now??
I sure hope so.
Also in Heroes vs. Villains episode one
P.S. Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn't end this entry by
showing one of my all-time favorite Sandra moments.
Sandra lost the challenge? Whatever. Afterwards she
just tosses Sugar's top away like it's so much garbage.
@%#!%#*&#
P.P.S.
I posted this entry late last night, and I have already
received
two awesome emails from readers that I thought I should share.
So
here you go:
From
HagridOfTheDeep at
Survivor Sucks:
"lmao, great Sandra entry. I think the icing on the cake
though
is when Sugar arrives at the mat. Just at the end of your gif there,
you can see Cirie smiling and cheering as Sugar runs over. Suddenly,
Cirie's demeanour changes. She's got a new priority. She realizes
something. And so swiftly, she brings her hands down to make sure her
tits are still safely inside her shirt. She doesn't wanna pull a Sugar.
It's great. It's pretty subtle, but it's moments like those
that
can really spice up a scene."
From Rowan Evans:
"My favourite thing about this moment is that Sandra removed
the
top of a former pin-up model, and thought that she would have some
shame over it."
