Funny 115 - version 2.0
The Frenchman Strikes
China - episode 7
This entry is going to be a quickie, but I felt I had
to include it because it involves one of my favorite Survivors of all
Or, as I like to call him... The Frenchman.
no. Maybe "favorite" isn't really the right word. I
I'm not like a huge fan of Jean-Robert or anything. I
and root for him if he ever showed up on Survivor again. I
I'll go out and buy a Jean-Robert T-Shirt or a Jean-Robert backpack
like the kids were all doing back in the fall of 2007.
No, my appreciation of Jean-Robert has more to do with the way that he
talks. I love him more on a character level.
I love his sleaziness. I love his sliminess. I love
cockiness. I love the way he will say the most inappropriate
thing at any point during an episode, and you don't know right away if
it's ridiculously funny or ridiculously offensive until you stop and
think about it for a second. I love that your reaction to
Jean-Robert sort of depends on everyone else's reaction to
Oh, and I also love how none of the females will go
within five feet of him, because there is a very real danger they will
probably be groped. I mean, come on. He's Mister
Hands McGee. Now -that- is a fantastic Survivor villain.
"Come seet weeth me in zee hot tub, Courtney. Seet with me
and feel my manly baguette."
anyway, yeah. Jean-Robert is one of my favorite Survivors
and I hope he makes many many appearances on the Funny 115.
only because I love the picture (above) that Iceice created for me over
at Survivor Sucks. Iceice, thank you for taking my dream of
turning Jean-Robert into a villainous French heel wrestler, and making
it a reality. You will never know the gift that you have
ho ho, Denise, come and sit on zee Frenchman's lap. Let me
you how much you do not suck at life. And then maybe zee
Frenchman can nibble on your ear."
Sorry, now I'm just getting carried away.
Jean-Robert moment that makes #93 on the Funny 115 comes in the seventh
episode of China. It's right after the merge, when Zhan Hu
Fei Long have joined together into one tribe, and they are trying to
come up with a new name to go with their new black buffs.
And... well... I guess we will leave it up to The Frenchman to say
The two tribes are sitting around trying to come up with a new merged
"How bout Hungry Monkeys? No, how about Angry Monkeys?"
Somebody off camera (Amanda?) suggests, "Something to represent black
buffs, you know?"
Cue the Frenchman.
"We can't do black 'cause then, uh, as soon as James is gone we'll have
to change the name."
And here's what I love about Jean-Robert.
like 95% of the other times he speaks, you don't really know right away
if you're supposed to laugh at what he said, or if you're supposed to
be offended by it. This is the part of each episode I like to
call "The Jean-Robert Zone." All you get after this comment
slightly awkward pause as we pan over to James to see how he
going to react to that.
Will James like the joke? Or will James be offended by it?
I love moments like this, because it is kind of like the reveal on
He liked it! Yay!
James busts up
But he's not the only one. The Frenchman busts up at his own
The Frenchman continues to guffaw as somebody off camera (Peih-Gee?)
scolds, "That did not
just come out of your mouth." Somebody else moans, "Oh my
"That's all right," James says calmly, "I'm gonna stay here.
I'll be all right."
And then, the great punchline to cap off the scene.
"Whatever," says Frosti, "I was on the yellow team. Peih-Gee and
were on the yellow team."
Even Denise laughs. Yay! Jean-Robert has brought us
there you go. It's a short quickie moment, but it makes me
every single time I watch it. And it is also-- trivia note!--
of the few times in Survivor: China that Jean-Robert says something
that actually makes people happier. 99% of the other stuff he
says usually results in a little bit of Courtney or Amanda dying inside.
Ha, I bet you thought I'd end on an Amanda face.
P.S. Oh yeah, they picked "Black Fighting Wind."
Unfortunately I couldn't fit as many Jean-Robert moments onto
countdown as I would have liked, but here are two excellent emails I
got from readers who appreciate him as much as I do:
SwineForkbeard at Survivor Sucks: "I appreciated
sleezy lowlife from the Vegas underworld persona as the antidote to the
usual fleet of soulless mactors. We never got to see most of
headgames he played with his tribemates, like where he pretended to be
a raging homophobe early on, so it would look like he became
enlightened and changed his views just from getting to know Todd."
Rosey at Survivor Sucks: "I'm rewatching China at the moment
I'm up to episode 3. Within the first 5 minutes there is a moment that
I really really hope makes it to the new list. Its when Fei Long are
all trying to sleep, and Jean-Robert is snoring and trying to snuggle
up to all the girls. Leslie is loudly saying "Eww" and you can see
Courtney and Amanda doing everything they can to get away from him. Add
the commentary from Courtney, and it's just hilarious."
"Come over to my side of zee shelter, and I will show you my
great beeg American immunity idol. Oh ho ho."