The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#105.
Mike Skupin is Sitting on my Head
Philippines - episode 6
One of the trademarks of Survivor over the years has been
the Survivor
confessional.
These are the scenes where the camera focuses in on one player, and we
get to hear their thoughts on what is happening at the
moment.
You know the one
There have been thousands of Survivor confessionals over the years.
From the normal, to the hilarious, to the bizarre.
Naturally, because this is a comedy page, I am going to focus
on the bizarre.
I am going to focus on the confessionals that stand out to me because
of just how plain weird they were.
Like the ones in Amazon that had visible thought bubbles.
Remember them?
What about the confessionals in Samoa where Erik was always hiding in a
tree?
And remember this one? When Purple Kelly was actually allowed
to speak?
Yes, there have been dozens of fun little weird confessional scenes
over the years.
Like this one, the double peeing confessional in Guatemala
And this one, where Leann was distracted by an earthquake
And whoa guys, cool flying fish
But it wasn't until Survivor: Philippines that we got maybe the
strangest confessional of them all.
Although it will be tough to top this one, when Varner was bitten in
the ass
And this one, the Garrett "draw me like one of your French girls"
confessional
And this one, when Joe Anglim was holding a puppet
Okay, so let's get to maybe the weirdest confessional of them all.
Naturally, it starred two favorites of the Funny 115,
Jonathan Penner and Michael Skupin.
It's episode six of Survivor: Philippines, and today's reward challenge
is called "Push the Ball Around in Shit."
Ball
Shit
The goal today is to push the ball all the way into the other tribe's
net,
while three members of the other tribe will attempt to stop you
I love how even the most innocent Skupin smile still looks vaguely
creepy
Although this picture is even better, when Skupin and Blair
Lisa imitate
mommy and baby bird
Okay guys, you ready to begin?
Round one will pit Pete, Skupin, and Blair
Lisa
Against Denise, Carter, and Penner
I'll show you the facts of life, biotch
And with that, the challenge begins!
Both tribes run out into the mud and attempt to push the ball past
their
opponents
It gets physical very fast
It also gets very dirty
Skupin immediately thrusts his head into somebody's milky white crotch
It is so muddy out there that even the camera gets mud all over it
It is evident pretty quickly that this is going to be one of those
brutal bloodbath challenges, where no one escapes without
injury.
Especially when Blair Lisa does what she should
have done to Tootie a long time ago
I can't believe I got my ass kicked by the Facts of Life girl
Okay and now we get to the fun part.
No, not Skupin with his head in somebody's crotch again
No, it happens here. When Penner attempts to gain control of
the ball.
He goes up under Skupin
And he gets all up inside that
As if we haven't already seen enough of Skupin and Skupin crotch
scenes...
Now Penner stops giving Skupin a Dirty Sanchez
And he moves in for the Mexican Blasting Fist
I feel bollocks and you know it
Jeff Probst takes a moment to explain that
while this move might be illegal in several states, it is actually a
perfectly legal move here in the game of Survivor. Albeit an
intimate one.
Look at Penner! He's in there all the way up to the
elbow!
So anyway...
Penner and Skupin remain stuck in this awkward position for several
minutes
Like two dogs who are stuck coupling, they aint going anywhere
At this point we are now basically in a stalemate
Okay, so now what?
And this is where it goes from awkward, to even more awkward.
Because now Penner goes down to the ground to get a better angle on the
ball
And Skupin sits on his head
Skupin
and Penner stay in this position for quite a while. In fact,
some would say that at this point they are too exhausted to even move.
The other players are so bored they just sit down and relax
And as I promised you, now we get maybe the most bizarre of all the
Survivor confessionals.
Yep, you guessed it
We zoom in
And we get the "Mike Skupin is sitting on my head" confessional
"Endurance is what's gonna win. Something that Skupin and I
both have. We're ready to sit here all night if it takes it.
I think."
And I'm pretty sure I had a hat at some point
Thank you to Mike Skupin and, more importantly, Mike Skupin's crotch,
for making this confessional possible.
Ribbed for his pleasure
I liked it better when I was playing against Yul
P.S.
"This is like heaven."
"Yeah, this is like... something."
P.P.S.
** Special
thanks to Jesper Tittse for the Sarge/Brad Culpepper picture **
