The Funny 115 - The Third One

#105.  Mike Skupin is Sitting on my Head
Philippines - episode 6

One of the trademarks of Survivor over the years has been the Survivor confessional.

These are the scenes where the camera focuses in on one player, and we get to hear their thoughts on what is happening at the moment.

You know the one

There have been thousands of Survivor confessionals over the years.  From the normal, to the hilarious, to the bizarre.

Naturally, because this is a comedy page, I am going to focus on the bizarre.

I am going to focus on the confessionals that stand out to me because of just how plain weird they were.

Like the ones in Amazon that had visible thought bubbles.  Remember them?

What about the confessionals in Samoa where Erik was always hiding in a tree?

And remember this one?  When Purple Kelly was actually allowed to speak?

Yes, there have been dozens of fun little weird confessional scenes over the years.

Like this one, the double peeing confessional in Guatemala

And this one, where Leann was distracted by an earthquake

And whoa guys, cool flying fish

But it wasn't until Survivor: Philippines that we got maybe the strangest confessional of them all.

Although it will be tough to top this one, when Varner was bitten in the ass

And this one, the Garrett "draw me like one of your French girls" confessional

And this one, when Joe Anglim was holding a puppet

Okay, so let's get to maybe the weirdest confessional of them all.  Naturally, it starred two favorites of the Funny 115, Jonathan Penner and Michael Skupin.

It's episode six of Survivor: Philippines, and today's reward challenge is called "Push the Ball Around in Shit."



The goal today is to push the ball all the way into the other tribe's net, while three members of the other tribe will attempt to stop you

I love how even the most innocent Skupin smile still looks vaguely creepy

Although this picture is even better, when Skupin and Blair Lisa imitate mommy and baby bird

Okay guys, you ready to begin?

Round one will pit Pete, Skupin, and Blair Lisa

Against Denise, Carter, and Penner

I'll show you the facts of life, biotch

And with that, the challenge begins!

Both tribes run out into the mud and attempt to push the ball past their opponents

It gets physical very fast

It also gets very dirty

Skupin immediately thrusts his head into somebody's milky white crotch

It is so muddy out there that even the camera gets mud all over it

It is evident pretty quickly that this is going to be one of those brutal bloodbath challenges, where no one escapes without injury.

Especially when Blair Lisa does what she should have done to Tootie a long time ago

I can't believe I got my ass kicked by the Facts of Life girl

Okay and now we get to the fun part.

No, not Skupin with his head in somebody's crotch again

No, it happens here.  When Penner attempts to gain control of the ball.

He goes up under Skupin

And he gets all up inside that

As if we haven't already seen enough of Skupin and Skupin crotch scenes...

Now Penner stops giving Skupin a Dirty Sanchez

And he moves in for the Mexican Blasting Fist

I feel bollocks and you know it

Jeff Probst takes a moment to explain that while this move might be illegal in several states, it is actually a perfectly legal move here in the game of Survivor.  Albeit an intimate one.

Look at Penner!  He's in there all the way up to the elbow!

So anyway...

Penner and Skupin remain stuck in this awkward position for several minutes

Like two dogs who are stuck coupling, they aint going anywhere

At this point we are now basically in a stalemate

Okay, so now what?

And this is where it goes from awkward, to even more awkward.

Because now Penner goes down to the ground to get a better angle on the ball

And Skupin sits on his head

Skupin and Penner stay in this position for quite a while.   In fact, some would say that at this point they are too exhausted to even move.

The other players are so bored they just sit down and relax

And as I promised you, now we get maybe the most bizarre of all the Survivor confessionals.

Yep, you guessed it

We zoom in

And we get the "Mike Skupin is sitting on my head" confessional

"Endurance is what's gonna win.  Something that Skupin and I both have.  We're ready to sit here all night if it takes it.  I think."

And I'm pretty sure I had a hat at some point

Thank you to Mike Skupin and, more importantly, Mike Skupin's crotch, for making this confessional possible.

Ribbed for his pleasure

I liked it better when I was playing against Yul


"This is like heaven."

"Yeah, this is like... something."


** Special thanks to Jesper Tittse for the Sarge/Brad Culpepper picture **

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