The
Funny 115 - The Third One
#109.
Dan the Sloth
Nicaragua - episode 6
Not a scumbag
It is entirely possible that Dan Lembo from Nicaragua was the single
most useless player in Survivor history.
Oh,
I'm not saying he was a bad person or anything. I'm
sure
that in real life Dan is a very nice guy. I'm also
sure that
he is in no way involved with the mafia and that he is in no way ever
planning to kill me. I'm sure that outside the show, Dan is a
wonderful human being with a heart that is as big as all outdoors, and
that he would never send his henchmen after a fellow Italian.
But in Nicaragua...
Well let's just say that, in the words of Tyrone Davis, dude
got some ailments.
Dan's bad knee, which prevents him from running
Dan's bad hip, which prevents him from walking
Dan's bad back, which prevents him from moving
"What's he gonna do? Dude got ailments."
Dan just randomly tipping over
Yes,
if you were a player in Survivor: Nicaragua, you never wanted Dan as a
member of your tribe. Mostly because the guy could barely get
out
of the shelter.
Dan's life motto
Dan laying down
More of Dan laying down
Dan laying down, the trilogy
The best of Lembo
Dan
was so immobile most of the time, and he was unable to do so many
things in the game of Survivor, that it led to one of the best editor's
jokes of Survivor: Nicaragua.
It's really quick though.
Let's see how many of you caught this.
"I'm the opposite of Superman.
I'm not good on any planet that has a
yellow sun."
Okay, so it is the sixth episode of Nicaragua, and Dan doesn't really
want to be here anymore.
He can't do any of the challenges.
His knee hurts.
He is in pain all the time.
He doesn't need the money.
Why is he even out here in the first place?
"It's very hard being here and living here."
"The food situation's bad, weather situation's bad,
everything's bad."
"And I don't need the money. I got a Range Rover,
I got a Ferrari."
"I mean, why in the world am I doin' this?"
It gets so bad, and Dan is so useless in everything, that
the rest of his tribesmates think he is going to quit.
"If he doesn't want to be here, there's people who wanna be
here."
Even NaOnka takes the time to delicately weigh in on the Dan
situation.
"Dan's knees are about to crack, he's about to start walkin'
on his knees."
"Sooner or later he's about to be walkin' on nubs."
The
vote that night is going to come down to Dan with the broken knees or
Yve. And most of the players want to get rid of Dan.
Mainly because of... well... again... because of the useless
thing.
Dan sits out of nearly every challenge in Nicaragua, but
here is one he was allowed to participate in. It was not
pretty.
In this one you are supposed to run at full speed, fling
yourself into the air, and a fire a ball past a goalie
Here is what it looks like when you do it correctly
And here is what it looks like when Dan tries it
Splut
What the hell, man?
NaOnka finally reaches the point of pissedtivity
Okay, so here is the editor's joke that is really quick that
I bet a lot of people missed.
It
is down to Dan vs. Yve in the next Espada vote, and whoever was editing
this episode inserted a subtle little commentary about who they think
the Espadas should get rid of.
The scene opens at Espada on the morning of day 15
Then we get a fun nature shot of a sleeping sloth.
He is completely useless, dead to the world on his back.
Then the editors cut down to the Espada shelter...
And there is Dan in the exact same pose
Like I said, this is one of those "blink and you miss it"
jokes, but it makes me laugh every single time I see it in Nicaragua.
Oh, and also, Yve was voted out that episode instead of Dan.
Teflon Dan lives to sit out of challenges yet again!
The quick editor's joke, as it is seen in the episode
Survivor is hard
P.S. In episode eight we finally get a challenge
that Dan is successful at.
He stands immobile in one place and holds on to a rope
