The Funny 115 - The Third One

In keeping with the tradition of Blood vs. Water, every single entry on this countdown will begin with the cursing out of Brad Culpepper.  Enjoy.

#115.  The Immunity Chicken
Philippines - Episodes 1-6


A legendary game show where hardy warriors compete for the greatest of prizes.

Some of these prizes are monetary

Some times you are competing for glory

Once in a while you might even win a spouse

But it wasn't until the twenty-fifth season of the show that we heard the words that every legendary Survivor has always wanted to hear.

"Guys, today you are competing for a chicken."

Yes, we open the countdown with the goofiest immunity idol that has ever been featured on the show.  No, I'm not talking about The Immunity Willard.  

I am talking about the famous Immunity Chicken from Survivor: Philippines.

What the fuck

First off, anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for a good chicken joke.  I had two entries based around chickens on version 2 of this countdown, and I have at least two scheduled for this version as well.  Three if you count all the Tommy Wiseau jokes I am going to make.

"Yankee Doodle was wrong, Jeff.  I stuck my finger up there and it wasn't finger lickin'"

But I'm sorry.  I don't get how they can have that many amazing immunity idols over the years, and then in season twenty-five they decide that okay now we are going to mix it up and this time you will be competing for poultry.

An awesome immunity idol

An awesome immunity idol

An awesome immunity idol

A chicken

I really don't have that much more to say about it.  I mean, again, the immunity idol in Survivor: Philippines was A GOD DAMN WOODEN CHICKEN.   And they kept rewarding people with a chicken for six episodes.  How can you not love that?

Held aloft like the sword Excalibur

By the way, I have to tell you that there is already a bit of controversy with this entry.  Yes, it's the first entry on the Funny 115, and I am already getting some complaints from my readers.   Here is some negative feedback I received about my Immunity Chicken entry, which was sent to me a couple of weeks ago, before I had even written it:

Before you write about the Immunity Chicken, I think you should know that idol is actually based on Filipino mythology.  That is called a Sarimanok.  It is our version of a phoenix.  It is supposed to bring good luck to whoever can catch it.  If you write an entry and call it the Immunity Chicken, people might get offended.

Well first off, I have no intention to offend anyone with the Funny 115.  That sort of accusation is very hurtful to me.  

After I received that email, I decided that when I wrote this entry, I would never again call it the Immunity Chicken.  I decided I would only do it a few times at the beginning of the writeup, and then after that I would find some other name that would be more respectful and, hopefully, more culturally sensitive.

And this is the best I came up with.

Kalabaw!  Wins Big Black Cock!

Yes, and now you came to the real point of the entry.  Now I just get to refer to the Immunity Chicken as Big Black Cock.

Dana holding Big Black Cock

Here you go, enjoy Big Black Cock

Abi, I'm sorry.  You'll have to give back Big Black Cock.

Tandang!  Wins Big Black Cock!

Dawson admires Big Black Cock

[Caption redacted]

And so there you go.   You thought you were getting a chicken entry, and then it turned into a chance for me just to make dick jokes.  

Welcome to the Funny 115.  

I hope you guys are ready for this.

Why couldn't I ever get Big Black Cock???

The sex therapist especially wanted it

By the way, if you ever re-watch Philippines, pay attention to how often R.C. winds up with Big Black Cock.  She is a popular girl.

Thanks guys

Sweet, thanks

Awesome, thanks

Just like Boston Rob, fourth time's a charm

Okay that's it.

Psyche.  No, it's not.

I've been waiting six months to write this entry.  I could keep going all day.

Okay guys, who wants cock?

Jeff Kent, don't play with your cock

I know for certain Mrs. Garrett would have a problem with this

Jeff Probst choking the chicken

Okay that's it.  I promise.

Enjoy the rest of the countdown.  :)

We got cock!

P.S.  Here's a great quote from my co-host on The Survivor Historians, Mike Bloom.  I told him I was writing this entry and he said "I love it.  It's like the Shaft of the immunity idols."

P.P.S.  If you are ever trying to find this entry and you don't remember the URL, please google "The Immunity Chicken."  Please don't google anything else.  I don't want to be responsible for you getting fired at work.  Thank you.

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