25. Cochran Has a Chance

The Funny 115 - The Third One

#25. Cochran Has a Chance
South Pacific - Episode 13

Here's a quick entry that continues my love letter to the wonderful editors on Survivor. In the words of the immortal Nav'i, I see you.

Without question, this is one of the greatest editing moments in the first thirty seasons of Survivor.

As always, comedy all comes down to timing

So anyway, remember Ozzy?

Ozzzzzzieeee

Ozzy Lusth is without a doubt one of the biggest names in the history of Survivor.

Ozzzzzzieeee

And just WHY is Ozzy such a big name in the history of Survivor?

Well... most of all... it's because he's unstoppable.

He swims!

He leaps!

He flies through the air like an eagle!

To this day, I'm pretty sure Ozzy still holds the record by winning infinity immunity challenges during Survivor: Cook Islands.

Say, this guy's pretty good

Okay you just stole my wife from me. Knock it off.

Legend

So anyway, Ozzy's back, on Survivor: South Pacific.

And he's been voted out of the game this time because, surprisingly, he is just way too much of a challenge threat.

And also, because tribal lines no longer exist anymore

Basically

So Ozzy's stuck on Redemption Island.

And he has nothing to do all day but just sit there and wait for the next foolish challenger to come challenge him.

Man, I should have brought Amanda as my luxury item

And we're in episode 13 where Ozzy finally meets the most fearsome challenge threat of them all.

"So then the penguin says "pull my finger..."'

That's right. It's John Cochran. The little skinny pasty boy.

Actual size

It turns out that Cochran has just been voted out of the game by the Upolus.

And he's not happy.

So Cochran comes storming angrily onto Redemption Island. And he's steamin' mad at dirt.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

He even takes the time to give us a confessional.

The Upolus let me hang out to dry

They will all die by my hand

And this is where we get Ozzy's great reaction when he sees who his new bunkmate is going to be.

"Ugggggggh, Cochran."

I've always loved the simplicity of that reaction. All he says is "Uggggggggh, Cochran."

"Cochran, Cochran, Cochran. Whyyyyyyyyyy?"

In any case, turns out this is going to be the next big duel tomorrow.

It's going to be Ozzy against Cochran. Mano a mano.

Maybe the greatest athlete in the history of Survivor

Against a guy who is so unathletic that his opening credits shot is literally just him buying coffee.

Because they know they're going to ~~duel~~ show up in the same arena tomorrow, Ozzy and Cochran stay up all night and they talk.

They stay up all night and they just gab

And this is where Ozzy suggests how Cochran can get back at the Upolus for voting him out.

"Want to get revenge on those bastards?"

"When I get to the end, vote for me to win. They'll hate that."

"I mean, who would you vote for at the end? Me or Coach?"

"Also, you wanna get high?"

So that's the deal. Ozzy fully expects to dominate in the duel tomorrow.

"Basically."

And Cochran, of course, is having none of it.

He still wants to get back in this game.

"It's kind of insulting that it's already a foregone conclusion in his mind."

"That I'm going to lose at the duel."

And this is where we get that amazing comedy moment.

This, my friends, is how you edit a TV show.

Ozzy and Cochran are chatting just before they drift off to sleep...

And this is where Cochran finally floats the idea...

"Hey, what if...?"

"What if I demolish you in a duel?"

"How come that's never talked about as a possibility?"

Ozzy, of course, responds with much empathy.

Ozzy: "That's very true. That's true."

Ozzy: "And if you make it to the end, I'll vote for you. How about that?"

So now all the cards are on the table. If Cochran somehow beats the most dominant force in the history of Survivor in a challenge tomorrow, Ozzy will vote for him to win. How's that for a deal?

And then we come to the capper.

Where Cochran finally asks...

"Do I have a chance of beating you at a duel?"

Ozzy: "You have a chance."

Ozzy: "Everyone has a chance."

And then we just sit there for two seconds.

On that shot.

Then the music stops abruptly.

And we immediately cut to Ozzy's perfectly blunt response to that.

"He really doesn't stand a chance."

Ha ha ha ha. Swear to god, the timing on that edit is SO good. It's one of the funniest Survivor cuts ever.

Ozzy is just so perfectly deadpan.

Basically

It then goes RIGHT into the opening theme song.

This is one of the reasons why more people should appreciate South Pacific.

P.S. Want to know how the duel actually went?