Funny 115 - The Third One
Cochran Has a Chance
South Pacific - Episode 13
Here's a quick entry that continues my love letter to the wonderful
editors on Survivor. In the words of the immortal Nav'i, I see
Without question, this is one of the greatest editing moments in the
first thirty seasons of Survivor.
As always, comedy all comes down to timing
So anyway, remember Ozzy?
Ozzy Lusth is without a doubt one of the biggest names in the history
And just WHY is Ozzy such a big name in the history of Survivor?
Well... most of all... it's because he's unstoppable.
He flies through the air like an eagle!
To this day, I'm pretty sure Ozzy still
holds the record by winning infinity immunity challenges during
Survivor: Cook Islands.
Say, this guy's pretty good
Okay you just stole my wife from me. Knock it off.
So anyway, Ozzy's back, on Survivor: South Pacific.
And he's been voted out of the game this time because, surprisingly, he
is just way too much of a challenge threat.
And also, because tribal lines no longer exist anymore
So Ozzy's stuck on Redemption Island.
And he has nothing to do all day but just sit there and wait for the
next foolish challenger to come challenge him.
Man, I should have brought Amanda as my luxury item
And we're in episode 13 where Ozzy finally meets the most fearsome
challenge threat of them all.
"So then the penguin says "pull my finger..."'
That's right. It's John Cochran. The little skinny pasty boy.
It turns out that Cochran has just been voted out of the game by the
And he's not happy.
So Cochran comes storming angrily onto Redemption Island. And he's
steamin' mad at dirt.
He even takes the time to give us a confessional.
The Upolus let me hang out to dry
They will all die by my hand
And this is where we get Ozzy's great reaction when he sees who his new
bunkmate is going to be.
I've always loved the simplicity of that reaction. All he
says is "Uggggggggh, Cochran."
"Cochran, Cochran, Cochran. Whyyyyyyyyyy?"
In any case, turns out this is going to be the next
big duel tomorrow.
It's going to be Ozzy against Cochran. Mano a mano.
Maybe the greatest athlete in the history of Survivor
Against a guy who is so unathletic that his opening credits shot is literally just him buying coffee.
Because they know they're going to
duel show up in the same arena
tomorrow, Ozzy and Cochran stay up all night and they talk.
They stay up all night and they just gab
And this is where Ozzy suggests how Cochran can get back at the Upolus for voting him out.
"Want to get revenge on those bastards?"
"When I get to the end, vote for me to win. They'll hate that."
"I mean, who would you vote for at the end? Me or Coach?"
"Also, you wanna get high?"
So that's the deal. Ozzy fully expects to dominate in the duel tomorrow.
And Cochran, of course, is having none of it.
He still wants to get back in this game.
"It's kind of insulting that it's already a foregone conclusion in his
"That I'm going to lose at the duel."
And this is where we get that amazing comedy moment.
This, my friends, is how you edit a TV show.
Ozzy and Cochran are chatting just before they drift off to sleep...
And this is where Cochran finally floats the idea...
"Hey, what if...?"
"What if I demolish you in a duel?"
"How come that's never talked about as a possibility?"
Ozzy, of course, responds with much empathy.
Ozzy: "That's very true. That's true."
Ozzy: "And if you make it to the end, I'll vote for you. How
So now all the cards are on the table. If Cochran somehow
beats the most dominant force in the history of Survivor in a challenge
tomorrow, Ozzy will vote for him to win. How's that for a deal?
And then we come to the capper.
Where Cochran finally asks...
"Do I have a chance of beating you at a duel?"
Ozzy: "You have a chance."
Ozzy: "Everyone has a chance."
And then we just sit there for two seconds.
On that shot.
Then the music stops abruptly.
And we immediately cut to Ozzy's perfectly blunt response to that.
"He really doesn't stand a chance."
Ha ha ha ha. Swear to god, the timing on that edit is SO good. It's one of the funniest Survivor cuts ever.
Ozzy is just so perfectly deadpan.
It then goes RIGHT into the opening theme song.
This is one of the reasons why more people should appreciate South Pacific.
P.S. Want to know how the duel actually went?
Well Cochran actually does get ahead at one point.
But then Ozzy drops the hammer on him.
Somehow, Ozzy defeats the challenge of the dread John Cochran.
I can't believe he's a Survivor winner and I'm not
P.P.S. I gotta point out this fun little moment during the duel.
Cochran once told me personally that he loves this part.
Cochran actually gets ahead for a few seconds during the duel
"Cochran! In line to defeat one of his biggest idols in this game!"
Yeah, I'm sure when little Survivor nerd John Cochran was growing
up, the player he identified with as his "idol" was the human
highlight film, Ozzy.
SOMEDAY, I WILL BE HIM
You can actually see him stifle a little laugh right after Probst says this.
I'm sorry, Probst, have you actually even MET me?
Thank you to u/kidnifty
for the Heidi FUBC picture!