The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#11. Courtney Yates
China and Heroes vs Villains - all season long

Ah yes, one of the character entries I have been most looking forward to.

It is time to pay tribute to our favorite little sassmouth.

Tee hee.  Tee hee.

Seriously, how fun was Courtney Yates as a Survivor character?   How entertaining was this 45 pound little word assassin whose sole purpose on the show was to just sit around behind the scenes and talk shit about people?

"I won an immunity.  Did you win an immunity, Jean-Robert?"

What I loved the most about Courtney as a character was that, if you come right down to it, she really wasn't even trying to win Survivor.  Oh, she might have gotten to the final three.  She might have gotten jury votes.  She might have come close to winning.   Hell, she might have gotten more jury votes than the much stronger Survivor player who was sitting right next to her.


Courtney might have gotten to the final three and might have done all those things, sure.  But when you come right down to it, I don't think that's really what she was going for.  

What I think she wanted to do in China was to be able to say she survived a game that was waaaaay over her head physically, and was waaaaaay different than anything else she had ever done in her life, and that she survived it without ever changing what, in somewhat generous terms, she calls her "unique, winsome personality."

Like welfare

*puts shotgun in mouth*

And so there you go (tm).  One of the best examples of Courtney just sitting around being herself.   A craftsman working at her trade.  A master painter working in fine oils.  As we like to say on the Funny 115, Courtney Yates simply doing Courtney Yates things.

Some might say Courtney was the funniest player in Survivor history.  

Some might say Courtney was the meanest player in Survivor history.

Some might say, ewww she's so skinny.  Mario, how can you support a player who looks so much like a newborn deer?  


Well I can say is yeah, she's skinny.  She's really skinny.  But so what if she's skinny?  I mean, Manute Bol was skinny too, and he was the most beloved Sudanese Dinka tribe warrior in NBA history.  

Just because you are freakishly thin, that doesn't mean you can't be a beloved Survivor character.

Manute Bol -- aka Courtney's photo negative

And so here we go.  My tribute to Courtney Yates.  

A little writeup I like to call "Twenty things to love about the sassy little skinny girl."

Just start my writeup already, you dickhead

Jeff Probst once called her "one of the most real players in Survivor history."  He also said that she holds the record for the most one liners in a single season.  

Well... Rudy Boesch and Rob Cesternino might take offense at a comment like that... but there is no denying that our favorite little sassmouth was one hell of an entertaining Survivor player.

Even if, you know, she really wasn't all that nice to people most of the time.


A smart mouth is a lonely mouth.

So let us begin.   Twenty things to love about Courtney Yates.   Or, as she is known on the street, the insult ninja.

The insult ninja

Hope you enjoy it.

Ready?  Begin.

-- 20 things to love about Courtney --

1.  The Self Deprecating Humor

It is episode three of China, and Jean-Robert is constantly trying to snuggle up to girls inside the Fei Long shelter.

Courtney doesn't understand what he finds appealing about this.

"Jean Robert is like, 'I need Amanda and Courtney by my side'"

"You know, they keep me warm."

"Like I'm gonna keep anyone warm."

"I weigh seven pounds.  I can't even keep myself warm.  Get off of me."

2.  The very first time we see her, she almost gets into a slap fight with a monk

Oh you are so about to get a knee in the balls.

3.  Her unique confessional style

It is the Survivor: China merge.  And instead of competing in an immunity challenge today, the players are getting lunch instead.

"We go in and we sit down at a table.  I was pretty pumped.   Because..."

"Boo challenges."

"Yay feast."

4.  The little taunting thing she does at the beginning of challenges

Squaring off with Amanda

I must break you

A full taunting homage

5.  The fact that her go-to victory pose is the sign of the devil

Courtney wins immunity!

All hail our dark lord

Paying homage to the Prince of Darkness with Changa

One last time, just to spite Leslie

6.  The fact that she doesn't fully stand behind or in any way endorse Dragon Chi

Ohmmmm.  Ohmmmm.  I am so awesommmmme.  Ohmmmmmm.

You getting this shit, Courtney?

7.  If you look closely, she is always goofing off somewhere in the background

This is a great gif.  Danielle is ready to run a challenge, and Courtney is goofing off with Sandra in the background, and eating the body oil

8.  The way she massively owns Jean-Robert

"Would it surprise you, Jean-Robert, if you found out that the people on the tribe didn't like you?"

"I'm certain that some of the people do not like me.  I'm a bad boy.  Sometimes that happens."

"But you know even as a bad boy, and being aggressive, I like the way I'm playing this game.  And I think I'm doing just fine."

"Courtney, the look on your face?  Very smug."

"Bad boy?  Not quite the term I would have perhaps selected."

"But you know, it's always interesting to hear people talk about themselves."

"And... like... really, bad boy?  Bad boy?"

"Bad boy because you play poker, or something like that?"

"Do you have a Harley I don't know about?"

"Would a Harley make Jean-Robert a bad boy?"

"Well, I mean bad boy, like..."

"Who do you think you are?  Luke Perry?"

Luc Perry n'est pas amusť.

9. Her lack of interest in making any Survivor friends

"I don't feel like I really need to be anyone's friend in this game."


"I dislike everyone else more than I dislike Todd and Amanda."

"I think they mistake that for friendship."

10.  Her world famous Russell Impression

11.  Her not-quite-as-famous, and way more mean and inappropriate, Jaime impression


I'm ready to compete, y'all.  It's on.

"Jaime's like a little blow up doll"

"With her boobies.  And her hot pink bikini."

"And she bartends at a frat house"

"It's like, can I order you online?"

"Aren't there ads for you in the back of a magazine somewhere?"

12.  Speaking of horribly mean, how about the time she mocks Todd for crying over his sister's miscarriage

It's the family visit episode, and Todd is thrilled to be reunited with his sister

Todd asks about their little sister back home, the one who is pregnant


And how does Courtney respond to the crushing Herzog Family news?  Well with an eye roll and mockery, of course.

"Todd was going for the Oscar with his performance of "My sister had a convenient miscarriage"

"And then of course Probst was like..."

"Todd, it looks like you just got some bad news.   What happened?"

"And Todd's like..."



"My sister!"

"She was pregnant and..."

*sob*  *sniff*  

"She lost the baby!"

"But it happened for a reason!"

"Like, that is not like the fake Jonny Fairplay 'my grandma died.'"

"You can almost forgive that one.  That was funny."

13.   The random and numerous potshots at people

"You're a frigging lunatic."

"I'm just glad I don't have to live with you anymore."

"... and nice feather in your hair."

14.  The way she openly mocks Jeff Probst's authoritah

Jeff announces he is going to tally the votes.  Courtney responds from the jury box.

Courtney is getting blasted with water during a reward challenge

"Guys!  Knock it off!"

So Jeff steps in with some very helpful advice.

"Courtney taking on more water from James and Amanda!  She's got to get away from 'em!"

"Oh Jeff!  Shut up!"

15.  Speaking of Probst, how about the way she blatantly gives him the finger on live TV

"Courtney, you made a comment about Denise, about how Denise sucks at life...."

What I love about this moment is that if you listen very closely, you can hear the audience gasp

16.  The way she openly roots for America's Sweetheart to get a shoulder injury

America's Sweetheart

17.  You liked Jean-Robert ownage?  Well how about Coach ownage.

"Remember you guys?  Coach screamed at the end of that challenge."


"He was like "Goo!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Unbreakable?  Sure.  Unpwnable?  I don't think so.

18.     If she doesn't like clam, you shouldn't give her any fucking clam

Randy comes back from the ocean with a giant clam

"Hey, I just caught a giant clam.  Anybody want some?  Jerri?"

"No thanks."


"No thanks."


19.  Her awesome fist-bumping friendship with Sandra

And this is where the star of the first Funny 115 met the star of the second Funny 115

Who's weak in challenges but good at talking shit?   We are.

Fist bump

Sandra and Courtney got along so well in Heroes vs Villains that Sandra eventually called Courtney "the beans to my rice."   And unlike the Panamanian shopkeeper, I don't think she meant it in, you know, a sexual way.


Anyone who knows me and has read the original Funny 115 knows how much I love Sandra.  She is probably my all time favorite female character.  And anyone who has read Version 2.0 has probably figured out how much I love Courtney.  By this point she is probably my second all time favorite female character.  

So to see my two favorite females team up and eventually become the beans to each other's rice?   On the same tribe, in the same season?   Well I couldn't have been happier.  Most fans don't get a dream pairing like that in a Survivor season.  I was lucky enough to get it in the twentieth season.

Fist bump

I don't want to harp on this section too long, but if you want to see why I loved Sandra so much, and why I loved Courtney so much, just check out the very first time we saw either one of them on Survivor.  Check out Sandra's first scene in Pearl Islands, and check out Courtney's first scene in China.  Check out how the editors wanted to introduce them to us.

Both of these scenes practically could have made the Funny 115 on their own.

"I was like ohhhhh shit."

Courtney getting annoyed by a monk

Both of them had a great introduction.  Both of them had a great Survivor run.   And both of them became best friends.  And now they are both immortalized as the funniest female on either of the Funny 115 countdowns.  Not bad for a couple of sassy mouthed unathletic chicks who have sat out more athletic competitions in their lives than Professor Stephen Hawking.

Courtney:  "I don't think we're real popular with Russell right now"

Sandra (sing-songy):  "Thiiiiiis is what we get for being bitches."

Courtney:  "Oh well."

Only on Survivor does a person like Courtney get to hang out and fist bump with a person like Sandra.  Only on Survivor does a person like Courtney even go outside.  It is my favorite random and unlikely Survivor pairing since Rob Cesternino went into a laboratory and created Crazy Matt.

"You're awesome, Sandra."  "You're awesome, Courtney."  Mega fist bump

20.  And finally, the #20 reason you should love Courtney?   How about this for a finale.

"Courtney, why do you think you're so popular with kids?"

"I guess it really is like a, you know, a family show."

"They sit down and, I think little kids, on a show with all grownups they, you know, pick the teeny person to relate to."

"You know, I wear pig tails, and a flowered bathing suit"

"And I'm like "Don't tell me what to do!  You can't!"

"Like, I come off like a little brat on the show the entire time.  So probably kids can identify with that well."

"Do you enjoy that?  Do you like kids?"

"No I actually hate kids."

"Courtney, you are real.  If nothing else, you are consistent." 

Courtney Yates.  The Innocence Slayer.

And so there you have it.  The Top 20 reasons why you should love Courtney Yates.

Yes, she might be skinny.  Yes, she might be mean.  Yes, she's kind of an embarrassment to anyone who watches Survivor and only thinks that athletic males should ever win.

But you know what?  She makes me laugh.  And even if she might not be your cup of tea, I bet she makes you laugh too.

Also, Stephen Fishbach would so tap that

Courtney Yates never won Survivor.  She is never going to win Survivor.  She is never going to win a Survivor trophy in her life, unless maybe she prints this out and folds it funny and mounts it on a block of wood.

Hmmmm, maybe.

But you know, she was funny.  She had hilarious scenes.  Kids loved her... up until the China reunion.   She made the show better.

For all that, Courtney Yates will forever be memorialized as a Funny 115 All-Star.

"Twisted ankle, skinny chick, whatever."

"I'm a determined little bitch."

'And I will put up with a lot of crap to get to the end."

Thank you for everything you have added to the Survivor world, Courtney.

P.S.  Please don't ever imitate me.

Ta ta, bitches!

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