Funny 115 - version 2.0
#11. Courtney Yates
China and Heroes vs Villains - all season long
Ah yes, one of the character entries I have been most looking forward
It is time to pay tribute to our favorite little sassmouth.
Tee hee. Tee hee.
how fun was Courtney Yates as a Survivor character? How
entertaining was this 45 pound little word assassin whose sole purpose
on the show was to just sit around behind the scenes and talk
"I won an immunity. Did you win an immunity, Jean-Robert?"
I loved the most about Courtney as a character was that, if you come
right down to it, she really wasn't even trying to win
she might have gotten to the final three. She might have
jury votes. She might have come close to winning.
Hell, she might have gotten more jury votes than the
much stronger Survivor player who was sitting right next to her.
might have gotten to the final three and might have done all those
But when you come right down to it, I don't think that's
what she was going for.
What I think she wanted to do in China
was to be able to say she survived a game that was waaaaay
her head physically, and was waaaaaay different than anything else she
had ever done in her life, and that she survived it without ever
what, in somewhat generous terms, she calls her
"unique, winsome personality."
*puts shotgun in mouth*
so there you go (tm). One of the best examples of Courtney
sitting around being herself. A craftsman working at her
A master painter working in fine oils. As we like
to say on the
Funny 115, Courtney Yates simply doing Courtney Yates things.
Some might say Courtney was the funniest player in Survivor history.
Some might say Courtney was the meanest player in Survivor history.
Some might say, ewww she's so skinny. Mario, how can you
support a player who looks so much like a newborn deer?
I can say is yeah, she's skinny. She's really skinny.
But so what if she's skinny? I
mean, Manute Bol was skinny too, and he was the most beloved Sudanese
Dinka tribe warrior in NBA history.
Just because you are freakishly thin, that doesn't mean you can't be a
beloved Survivor character.
Manute Bol -- aka Courtney's photo negative
And so here we go. My tribute to Courtney Yates.
A little writeup I like to call "Twenty things to love about the sassy
little skinny girl."
Just start my writeup already, you dickhead
Probst once called her "one of the most real players in Survivor
history." He also said that she holds the record for
most one liners in a single season.
Well... Rudy Boesch
and Rob Cesternino might take offense at a comment like that... but
there is no denying that our favorite little sassmouth was one hell of
an entertaining Survivor player.
Even if, you know, she really wasn't all that nice to people
most of the time.
A smart mouth is a lonely mouth.
So let us begin. Twenty things to love about Courtney Yates.
Or, as she is known on the street, the insult ninja.
The insult ninja
Hope you enjoy it.
20 things to love about Courtney --
1. The Self
It is episode three of China, and Jean-Robert is constantly trying to
snuggle up to girls inside the Fei Long shelter.
Courtney doesn't understand what he finds appealing about this.
"Jean Robert is like, 'I need Amanda and Courtney by my side'"
"You know, they keep me warm."
"Like I'm gonna keep anyone warm."
"I weigh seven pounds. I can't even keep myself warm.
Get off of me."
2. The very
first time we see her, she almost gets into a slap fight
with a monk
Oh you are so about to get a knee in the balls.
3. Her unique
is the Survivor: China merge. And instead of competing in an
immunity challenge today, the players are getting lunch instead.
"We go in and we sit down at a table. I was pretty pumped.
little taunting thing she does at the beginning of challenges
Squaring off with Amanda
I must break you
A full taunting homage
5. The fact
that her go-to victory pose is the sign of the devil
Courtney wins immunity!
All hail our dark lord
Paying homage to the Prince of Darkness with Changa
One last time, just to spite Leslie
6. The fact that
she doesn't fully stand behind or in any way endorse Dragon Chi
Ohmmmm. Ohmmmm. I am so awesommmmme.
You getting this shit, Courtney?
7. If you look
closely, she is always goofing off somewhere in the background
is a great gif. Danielle is ready to run a challenge, and
Courtney is goofing off with Sandra in the background, and eating the
8. The way she
massively owns Jean-Robert
"Would it surprise you, Jean-Robert, if you found out that the people
on the tribe didn't like you?"
"I'm certain that some of the people do not like me. I'm a
bad boy. Sometimes that happens."
you know even as a bad boy, and being aggressive, I like the way I'm
playing this game. And I think I'm doing just fine."
"Courtney, the look on your face? Very smug."
"Bad boy? Not quite the term I would have perhaps selected."
"But you know, it's always interesting to hear people talk about
"And... like... really, bad boy? Bad
"Bad boy because you play poker, or something like that?"
"Do you have a Harley I don't know about?"
"Would a Harley make Jean-Robert a bad boy?"
"Well, I mean bad boy, like..."
"Who do you think you are? Luke Perry?"
Luc Perry n'est pas amusť.
9. Her lack of interest in
making any Survivor friends
"I don't feel like I really need to be anyone's friend in this game."
"I dislike everyone else more than I dislike Todd and Amanda."
"I think they mistake that for friendship."
10. Her world
not-quite-as-famous, and way more mean and inappropriate, Jaime
I'm ready to compete, y'all. It's on.
"Jaime's like a little blow up doll"
"With her boobies. And her hot pink bikini."
"And she bartends at a frat house"
"It's like, can I order you online?"
"Aren't there ads for you in the back of a magazine somewhere?"
12. Speaking of
horribly mean, how about the time she mocks Todd for crying over his
It's the family visit episode, and Todd is thrilled to be reunited with
Todd asks about their little sister back home, the one who is pregnant
And how does Courtney respond to the crushing Herzog Family news?
Well with an eye roll and mockery, of course.
"Todd was going for the Oscar with his performance of "My sister had a
"And then of course Probst was like..."
"Todd, it looks like you just got some bad news. What
"And Todd's like..."
"She was pregnant and..."
"She lost the baby!"
"But it happened for a reason!"
"Like, that is not like the fake Jonny Fairplay 'my grandma died.'"
"You can almost forgive that one. That was funny."
13. The random
and numerous potshots at people
"You're a frigging lunatic."
"I'm just glad I don't have to live with you anymore."
"... and nice feather in your hair."
14. The way she
openly mocks Jeff Probst's authoritah
Jeff announces he is going to tally the votes. Courtney
responds from the jury box.
Courtney is getting blasted with water during a reward challenge
"Guys! Knock it off!"
So Jeff steps in with some very helpful advice.
"Courtney taking on more water from James and Amanda! She's
got to get away from 'em!"
"Oh Jeff! Shut up!"
15. Speaking of
Probst, how about the way she blatantly gives him the finger on live TV
"Courtney, you made a comment about Denise, about how Denise sucks at
What I love about this moment is that if you listen very closely, you
can hear the audience gasp
16. The way she
openly roots for America's Sweetheart to get a shoulder injury
17. You liked
Jean-Robert ownage? Well how about Coach ownage.
"Remember you guys? Coach screamed at the end of that
"He was like "Goo!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Unbreakable? Sure. Unpwnable? I don't
If she doesn't like clam, you shouldn't give her any fucking clam
Randy comes back from the ocean with a giant clam
"Hey, I just caught a giant clam. Anybody want some?
Her awesome fist-bumping friendship with Sandra
And this is where the star of the first Funny 115 met the star of the
second Funny 115
Who's weak in challenges but good at talking shit? We are.
and Courtney got along so well in Heroes vs Villains that Sandra
eventually called Courtney "the beans to my rice."
unlike the Panamanian shopkeeper, I don't think she meant it in, you
know, a sexual way.
who knows me and has read the original Funny 115 knows how much I love
Sandra. She is probably my all time favorite female
character. And anyone who has read Version 2.0 has probably
figured out how much I love Courtney. By this point
probably my second all time favorite female character.
to see my two favorite females team up and eventually become the beans
to each other's rice? On the same tribe, in the same season?
Well I couldn't have been happier. Most fans don't
dream pairing like that in a Survivor season. I was lucky
to get it in the twentieth season.
don't want to harp on this section too long, but if you want to see why
I loved Sandra so much, and why I loved Courtney so much, just check
out the very first time we saw either one of them on Survivor.
Check out Sandra's first scene in Pearl Islands, and check
Courtney's first scene in China. Check out how the editors
to introduce them to us.
Both of these scenes practically could have made the Funny 115 on their
"I was like ohhhhh shit
Courtney getting annoyed by a monk
of them had a great introduction. Both of them had a great
Survivor run. And both of them became best friends.
now they are both immortalized as the funniest female on either of the
Funny 115 countdowns. Not bad for a couple of sassy mouthed
unathletic chicks who have sat out more athletic competitions in their
lives than Professor Stephen Hawking.
Courtney: "I don't think we're real popular with Russell
Sandra (sing-songy): "Thiiiiiis is what we get for being
Courtney: "Oh well."
on Survivor does a person like Courtney get to hang out and fist bump
with a person like Sandra. Only on Survivor does a person
Courtney even go outside. It is my favorite random
unlikely Survivor pairing since Rob Cesternino went into a laboratory
and created Crazy Matt.
"You're awesome, Sandra." "You're awesome, Courtney."
Mega fist bump
20. And finally,
the #20 reason you should love Courtney? How about this for
"Courtney, why do you think you're so popular with kids?"
"I guess it really is like a, you know, a family show."
sit down and, I think little kids, on a show with all grownups
they, you know, pick the teeny person to relate to."
"You know, I wear pig tails, and a flowered bathing suit"
"And I'm like "Don't tell me what to do! You can't!"
"Like, I come off like a little brat on the show the entire time.
So probably kids can identify with that well."
"Do you enjoy that? Do you like kids?"
"No I actually hate kids."
"Courtney, you are real. If nothing else, you are
Courtney Yates. The Innocence Slayer.
And so there you have it. The Top 20 reasons why you should
love Courtney Yates.
she might be skinny. Yes, she might be mean. Yes,
kind of an embarrassment to anyone who watches Survivor and only thinks
that athletic males should ever win.
But you know what? She makes me laugh. And even if
she might not be your cup of tea, I bet she makes you laugh too.
Also, Stephen Fishbach would so tap that
Yates never won Survivor. She is never going to win Survivor.
She is never going to win a Survivor trophy in her life,
maybe she prints this out and folds it funny and mounts it on a block
you know, she was funny. She had hilarious scenes.
loved her... up until the China reunion. She made the show
For all that, Courtney Yates will forever be memorialized as a Funny
"Twisted ankle, skinny chick, whatever."
"I'm a determined little bitch."
'And I will put up with a lot of crap to get to the end."
Thank you for everything you have added to the Survivor world, Courtney.
P.S. Please don't ever imitate me.
Ta ta, bitches!