The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#62.  The Russell Impression
Heroes vs Villains - episode 7

When it comes to slinging mud at people behind their backs, there are very few people in Survivor history who have come anywhere close to the daggers that come out of the mouth of Courtney Yates.  

Simply put, she might be tiny.  She might weigh about 85 pounds.  She might sort of look like an attack chihuahua.  But you don't want to cross her.

Because she is probably the nastiest verbal assassin in 22 seasons of Survivor.

True dat

In entry #66 - Denise Sucks at Life, we saw Courtney shred Denise the lunch lady by making fun of the fact that she was poor and that she was probably on welfare.  In episode 1 of Heroes vs. Villains, we saw Courtney actively root for-- and karmatically cause-- Stephenie's shoulder to be ripped out of its socket.  In episode 8 of China (which we will talk about later), we saw Courtney become the first player in Survivor history to flat out tell Jeff Probst to shut up in the middle of a challenge.  In episode 6 of China (which we will also talk about later) she mocked Jean-Robert for being "a bad boy" right to his face.

To steal a line from A Christmas Story, the wee Miss Yates works in insults the way other artists work in oil or clay.  It is her true medium.  She is a master.

She's also closed captioned!

But if you were to ask me what Courtney's best insult was... if you asked me to pick the finest example of the Michael Jordan of Survivor insult comedy at the top of her craft... I would have to pick this one.

I would have to go with the verbal (and visual) ass reaming she gives Russell Hantz in episode 7 of Heroes vs. Villains.

This one is probably even nastier and more mean spirited than when she said that Denise sucks.  The only difference is that this  time, instead of picking on the poor sad sack lunch lady, she was going off on one of the most notorious d-bags in Survivor history.  She was taking down a guy who was already hated by pretty much everyone.  So I doubt that anybody actually lost any sleep over it.

"You can't insult me. I'm Russell Hantz!"

So anyway, here you go.  Courtney the Insult Comic slams Russell Hantz and then does her impression of him.  One wee person making fun of another.  

It is always so sad when the small turn against one another.  Why can't we all just get along?

"It's no secret that Russell has a little boy crush on Parvati."

"Because he's, I mean, let's face it.  He's like a bandy legged little troll."

"Who, you know, sort of like..."

"... scampers around with his tooth missing..."

"And, you know, is in and out of the bushes..."

"And never washes."

"And she pays attention to him."  

"And she has, like, no problem flirting with... clearly... anything that walks."

The full Russell imitation (and confessional) in all of its glory

Now that's just beautiful.

By the way, want to know what I love about this particular Courtney confessional?  I love the fact that not only is she slamming Russell, she is also slamming Parvati at the exact same time.  It is a two for one deal.   Not only is she calling Russell a fat smelly toothless little troll, she is also calling Parvati a shameless dirty whore without even pausing to insert a comma.  I mean, two slam jobs in one sentence.  That's impressive even by Courtney standards.  That's the kind of roast that even Jeffrey Ross would be proud of.

"I wouldn't fuck Jane Bright with Sue Hawk's dick!"

So there you have it.   In honor of Courtney Yates-- the Jeffrey Ross of Survivor--, and her maginificent verbal and visual takedown of Russell Hantz...

"I'm Russell Hantz!"

Yes, we know you're Russell Hantz.

In honor of your acid tongue, Courtney, I dedicate this entry to you.

I really really hope I am on her good side

P.S.  Here's another clip of Courtney doing her Russell impression, courtesy of a Survivor secret scene that was available only on the internet:

Keep Troll Alive

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