The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#62. The
Russell Impression
Heroes vs Villains - episode 7
When it comes to slinging mud at people behind their backs, there are
very few people in Survivor history who have come anywhere close to the
daggers that
come out of the mouth of Courtney Yates.
Simply
put, she might be tiny. She might weigh about 85 pounds.
She might sort of look like an attack chihuahua.
But you don't want
to cross her.
Because she is
probably the nastiest verbal assassin in 22 seasons of Survivor.
True dat
In entry
#66 - Denise Sucks at Life,
we saw Courtney shred Denise the lunch lady by making fun of the fact
that she was poor and that she was probably on welfare. In
episode 1 of Heroes vs. Villains, we
saw Courtney actively root for-- and karmatically cause-- Stephenie's
shoulder to be ripped out of its socket. In episode 8 of
China
(which we will talk about later), we saw Courtney become the first
player in Survivor history to flat out tell Jeff Probst to shut up in
the middle of a challenge. In episode 6 of China (which we
will also talk about later) she mocked
Jean-Robert for being "a bad boy" right to his face.
To steal a line from A Christmas Story, the wee Miss Yates works in
insults the
way other artists work in oil or clay. It is her true medium.
She is a master.
She's also closed captioned!
But
if you were to ask me what Courtney's best insult was... if you asked
me to pick the finest example of the Michael Jordan of Survivor insult
comedy at the top of her craft... I would have to pick this one.
I would have to go with the verbal (and visual) ass reaming she
gives Russell Hantz in episode 7 of Heroes vs. Villains.
This
one is probably even nastier and more mean spirited than when she
said that Denise sucks. The only difference is that
this
time, instead of picking on the poor sad sack lunch lady, she
was
going off on one of the most notorious d-bags in Survivor history.
She was taking down a guy who was already hated by pretty
much
everyone. So I doubt that anybody actually lost any sleep
over it.
"You can't insult me. I'm Russell Hantz!"
So
anyway, here you go. Courtney the Insult Comic slams Russell
Hantz and then does her impression of him. One wee person
making
fun of another.
It is always so sad when the small turn against one another.
Why can't we all just get along?
"It's no secret that Russell has a little boy crush on Parvati."
"Because he's, I mean, let's face it. He's like a bandy
legged little troll."
"Who, you know, sort of like..."
"... scampers around with his tooth missing..."
"And, you know, is in and out of the bushes..."
"And never washes."
"And she pays attention to him."
"And she has, like, no problem flirting with... clearly...
anything that
walks."
The full Russell imitation (and confessional) in all of its glory
Now that's just beautiful.
By
the way, want to know what I love about this particular
Courtney
confessional? I love the fact that not only is she slamming
Russell, she is also slamming Parvati at the exact same time.
It
is a two for one deal. Not only is she calling Russell a
fat smelly toothless little troll, she is also calling Parvati
a shameless dirty whore without even pausing to insert a
comma.
I
mean, two slam jobs in one sentence. That's impressive even
by
Courtney standards. That's the kind of roast that even
Jeffrey
Ross would be proud of.
"I wouldn't fuck Jane Bright with Sue Hawk's dick!"
So
there you have it. In honor of Courtney Yates-- the Jeffrey
Ross
of Survivor--, and her maginificent verbal and visual takedown of
Russell Hantz...
"I'm Russell Hantz!"
Yes, we know you're Russell Hantz.
In honor of your acid tongue, Courtney, I dedicate this entry to you.
I really really hope I am on her good side
P.S.
Here's another clip of Courtney doing her Russell impression,
courtesy of a Survivor secret scene that was available only on the
internet:
Keep Troll Alive
