Funny 115 - version 2.0
Tyson is promoted to assistant coach
Tocantins - episode 3
You know, if there is one person I wish I could have included
more on the Funny 115, it is Tyson.
I think Tyson is awesome. Pretty much every single line that
ever came out of his mouth, I thought was funny.
Some of the stuff that didn't even come out of his mouth was funny
the problem with Tyson on a list like the Funny 115 is that most of his
good stuff wasn't so much based on a scene, as it was based on
dialogue. Most of his awesome moments just came in little
he made to another person. Or something he did that made him
like a dick. Or a funny line in a confessional. Or
particular remark he made about how Sierra was worthless.
that stuff was funny, of course, but it is hard to turn little quip
humor like that into Funny 115 entries (Rudy had the same type of
problem in the original Funny 115). So unfortunately most of
Tyson's stuff got left on the cutting room floor.
all I could do with him was combine most of his really funny Survivor
moments into one
big character entry.
Although I forgot to include the scene where he let Debbie the school
principal dry hump him
There was one great Tyson scene that DOES make a good Funny 115 entry,
and I am proud to present it right now as the #13 entry.
won't be a lot of fanfare attached to this one. It isn't
be one of the more epic entries on the countdown. It isn't
to have a lot of music and callback jokes and sound.
All it is
is a really funny guy sitting down to give a really funny confessional.
Which is easily one of my top 10 favorite confessionals in
One that was so funny, it even made Tyson laugh. And
he doesn't laugh at ANYTHING.
here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, it is Tyson Apostol from
Survivor: Tocantins. In his world famous "assistant coach"
You know how we all enjoy Coach now? And how
we all... well, okay most of us... find his antics over the top and
ridiculous? Well Tyson was one of the very first people to
realize how silly the whole "Coach" persona was. And he
very shy in pointing it out to us.
So take it away Tyson.
It is time to cut down the Dragon Slayer as only you can.
is episode three of Survivor: Tocantins, and best buddies Tyson and
Coach are hanging out and talking shit about the rest of the tribe.
As they usually do.
You see, Tyson is Coach's best friend in the game.
Coach likes to tell his buddy everything
Including some things that he probably shouldn't.
Ah, I see
So anyway, Tyson sits down for a confessional in the middle of episode
And a segment producer asks him what he thinks about his new bestie.
"One word to describe Coach?"
"I think that's it. Coach."
"You know, he's not always the best at what he's coaching."
"But he thinks he knows the most."
"He likes his voice to be heard, which is what we all want."
And then the interviewer asks about the famous "Hey Tyson,
you're kind of like my assistant coach" moment.
is the best part of the confessional. This is where Tyson is
reminded of that exchange with Coach, and he physically cracks up.
let me point something out to you. I have known people like
in real life. I have known lots of people like Tyson in real
life. I have spent my whole life gravitating towards
who are smart and funny like Tyson is, it is kind of what I do.
like Tyson are always the funniest guy in the room. They are
almost always the smartest guy in the room. They are
and funny and witty, and they know it.
And when you get someone
who is smart and funny and cocky like Tyson is, do you know what other
trait a person like that almost always has too?
Here is the
answer: Smart funny cocky people like Tyson ALMOST NEVER
It is almost impossible to get a person like Tyson to
break character and lose it in real life. It is almost
to do because they know they are always smarter and funnier
you. So all they are doing is standing there, trying to think
something funnier and smarter than what you are saying, and it is
almost impossible to one up them and catch them off guard and
them to bust up.
So there is your armchair psychology
101 for the day. Without ever meeting Tyson in real life,
without even so much as even exchanging an email with the guy, I can
tell you with nearly 100% certainty that he is the type of person who
is very very difficult to make laugh.
Yet when he thinks back to Coach telling him that he can be his
assistant coach? He completely loses it.
Lost in the giggle zone
Tyson has recovered from his very rare attack of the giggles, it is
time for him to wax nostalgic on what it means to his life to have been
named the new Assistant Dragon Slayer.
"You know what? When he told me I was like his assistant
"More power to me, you know?"
"But he has a little schoolboy crush on me. People see that."
"He loves me, you know?"
"So if I keep plugging away, I'll eventually make coach. He
may promote me."
"I don't know if I'll have my own team..."
"Or we'll be co-coach, or whatever."
There can be only one
"But people are gonna start callin' me that."
"I'm actually gonna demand it."
And then we finish with the grand finale.
"If we ever get put on separate tribes in this game..."
"I will demand that the other tribe calls me 'Coach" too."
And so there you have it. The best confessional from one of
the masters of confessionals.
One day Tyson Apostol, this could be you.