The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#47.
BobDawg destroys Courtney
Exile Island - episode 5
The Courtney Whisperer
Remember in my BobDawg
entry back at #103,
when I said that the Almighty BobDawg had one great quote that was way
too good to include in his character entry, and was going to get an
entry of its own later on in the countdown?
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have now come to that entry.
This
is my personal favorite #1 Bobby Mason moment on Survivor, and is
probably in my top 20 all-time favorite Survivor quotes of all time.
And it is something that only could have come out of the
mouth of
the Almighty Dawgsta.
This was the one quote that it killed me not to be able to include on
the original Funny 115.
Courtney confronts Bobby about drinking Casaya's wine. Bad
move.
.
It's
the fifth episode of Exile Island, and the Casaya tribe has just spent
a hellish night in the middle of a rainstorm. Their spirits
are
low, their energy is low, their patience is low. And it all
gets
much worse when the Casayas realize that their last bottle of wine
(from yesterday's reward challenge) is suddenly missing.
What happened?
They had one bottle of wine left when they went to bed, and now this
morning, where did it go? It's gone?
Someone drank the last bottle of wine?
What gives?
Ah, that's what happened to it.
Bruce and BobDawg drank it in the outhouse last night
So anyway, here we go. This is where we come to my #1 all
time favorite BobDawg moment.
And... well... how about I let the Dawgsta describe it himself in his
very own words.
Bobby?
Courtney confronts Bobby over the missing bottle of wine
From a Bobby Mason interview after Exile Island:
"That
was a weird day. I woke up in the outhouse before Bruce did-- or more
accurately, I just got out first because I never made it to sleep. I
had been laying with my back on the floor with my legs straight up in
the air against the inside of the outhouse, trying not to suffocate
with all the pressure on my lungs and trying not to swallow termites
that were crawling all over my face. I came out and ran into Courtney
and she immediately started in on me with the passive aggressive stuff
like "So, uh, where were you!" like we were old buddies and I ran out
on my bar tab or something.
I tried to shake it off but she
wouldn’t stop with the "hey, have you seen the bottle of wine?" and "I
wonder where it went…" I hate that passive aggressive crap. That’s a
sign of weakness in my book. Just say what’s on your mind (BobDawg Da
Rules #3). I was trying to be diplomatic and actually apologized to
everyone and everyone said it wasn’t a big deal (oh they didn’t show
that? Wow, amazing) but she wouldn’t let it go. So at some
point
BobDawg thought "BobDawg gotsta shut her up. BobDawgsta can’t go out
like that on national tv." But Bobby Mason didn’t want to completely
unload on her, cuz Bobby Mason was trying to win. So we split the
difference and we told her what we told her.
That bottle of wine: $7.99. The look on her face: priceless. It was
almost worth getting voted out over…"
Here you go.
This is what it looks like when BobDawg verbally destroys Courtney on
national TV.
"Hey, what happened to you guys last night?"
"What happened to that last bottle of wine?"
Courtney (surprised): "
You
drank it?"
Bobby: "Yeah."
"How do you feel about that?"
Bobby: "I feel swell about it."
She just stares at him in disbelief
You would think this would have been the end of the argument.
You would think it would have ended right there.
But nope. You would have been wrong.
Because Courtney isn't going to let this go.
And, apparently, neither is BobDawg.
"We all worked very hard for that wine out here. It was
like... super special."
"Courtney
definitely had a right to be upset. I just don't need to hear
it. Like, I really don't care what she
thinks.
She's probably one of the two or three most annoying people probably in
the history of the world."
Courtney
keeps needling him and needling him and needling him until...
finally... he eventually gets tired of her and the Dawgsta drops the
hammer on her.
Can't leave well enough alone
(whining) "We were all supposed to celebrate and drink that
wine together."
stfu
(whining) "Why would you ever do that on your own?
(whining) "You
did
have to a place to sleep! You
did!"
Loading up the guns...
"You really made a bad, bad call."
Both barrels fully loaded now...
*whine*
And now the Dawgsta finally snaps
Right in the middle of her sentence, he turns his back to her
"I don't feel bad that I stole
your
wine."
"Like... I feel bad that I deprived
them of wine."
"But I have no hard feelings whatsoever about the fact that
you've been
deprived
of
wine."
Lawyered
The priceless reaction that Bobby was talking about
Just one last glare to let her know that this argument is over
She starts talking again, but Bobby just turns his back to her and
casually walks away
Like
I said before, this is the one quote and the one scene that I wished I
could have included on the original Funny 115. I even told
Bobby
that the first time I ever exchanged emails with him. This is
the -one-
Exile Island moment I wished I could have made an exception for on the
original countdown.
Why
do I love this scene so much? Well I love it because it is
just
so Courtney (crazy, rambling, whiny), and because it is just so BobDawg
(badass, witty, don't fuck with me). It is pretty much the
perfect interaction between two of the big standout characters in Exile
Island. Courtney says something whiny and annoying and
unnecessary, and then the Dawgsta lets her wind down before he just
lowers the hammer on her. What more can you want from a
Survivor
scene?
I also love it because... well, in the words of Jules
Winnfield from Pulp Fiction...I think it's some cold-blooded shit to
say to a motherfucker right before you pop a cap in her ass.
No, I think I'll drop my deuce right now, Courtney
Okay,
the metaphor doesn't really fit perfectly, since Bobby was voted out at
the end of the episode and Courtney survived. But still,
don't
you think a guy named BobDawg would appreciate if somebody like me
compared him to Jules Winnfield? Don't you think that would
warrant the Dawgsta one day sparing my life, and instead treating me to
a complimentary Big Kahuna Burger? Don't you think that maybe
the
two of us can one day walk the earth together?
For everything you did in your five episodes of Survivor, Bobby Mason,
we thank you.
He's tryin'. He's trying real hard to be the shepherd.
