The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#47.  BobDawg destroys Courtney
Exile Island - episode 5

The Courtney Whisperer

Remember in my BobDawg entry back at #103, when I said that the Almighty BobDawg had one great quote that was way too good to include in his character entry, and was going to get an entry of its own later on in the countdown?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, we have now come to that entry.

This is my personal favorite #1 Bobby Mason moment on Survivor, and is probably in my top 20 all-time favorite Survivor quotes of all time.  And it is something that only could have come out of the mouth of the Almighty Dawgsta.  

This was the one quote that it killed me not to be able to include on the original Funny 115.

Courtney confronts Bobby about drinking Casaya's wine.  Bad move.


It's the fifth episode of Exile Island, and the Casaya tribe has just spent a hellish night in the middle of a rainstorm.   Their spirits are low, their energy is low, their patience is low.  And it all gets much worse when the Casayas realize that their last bottle of wine (from yesterday's reward challenge) is suddenly missing.

What happened?

They had one bottle of wine left when they went to bed, and now this morning, where did it go?  It's gone?

Someone drank the last bottle of wine?

What gives?

Ah, that's what happened to it.

Bruce and BobDawg drank it in the outhouse last night

So anyway, here we go.  This is where we come to my #1 all time favorite BobDawg moment.

And... well... how about I let the Dawgsta describe it himself in his very own words.


Courtney confronts Bobby over the missing bottle of wine

From a Bobby Mason interview after Exile Island:

"That was a weird day. I woke up in the outhouse before Bruce did-- or more accurately, I just got out first because I never made it to sleep. I had been laying with my back on the floor with my legs straight up in the air against the inside of the outhouse, trying not to suffocate with all the pressure on my lungs and trying not to swallow termites that were crawling all over my face. I came out and ran into Courtney and she immediately started in on me with the passive aggressive stuff like "So, uh, where were you!" like we were old buddies and I ran out on my bar tab or something.

I tried to shake it off but she wouldn’t stop with the "hey, have you seen the bottle of wine?" and "I wonder where it went…" I hate that passive aggressive crap. That’s a sign of weakness in my book. Just say what’s on your mind (BobDawg Da Rules #3). I was trying to be diplomatic and actually apologized to everyone and everyone said it wasn’t a big deal (oh they didn’t show that? Wow, amazing) but she wouldn’t let it go.  So at some point BobDawg thought "BobDawg gotsta shut her up. BobDawgsta can’t go out like that on national tv." But Bobby Mason didn’t want to completely unload on her, cuz Bobby Mason was trying to win. So we split the difference and we told her what we told her.

That bottle of wine: $7.99. The look on her face: priceless. It was almost worth getting voted out over…"

Here you go.  

This is what it looks like when BobDawg verbally destroys Courtney on national TV.

"Hey, what happened to you guys last night?"

"What happened to that last bottle of wine?"

Courtney (surprised):  "You drank it?"  
Bobby:  "Yeah."

"How do you feel about that?"

Bobby:  "I feel swell about it."

She just stares at him in disbelief

You would think this would have been the end of the argument.  You would think it would have ended right there.

But nope.  You would have been wrong.

Because Courtney isn't going to let this go.

And, apparently, neither is BobDawg.

"We all worked very hard for that wine out here.  It was like... super special."

"Courtney definitely had a right to be upset.  I just don't need to hear it.   Like, I really don't care what she thinks.   She's probably one of the two or three most annoying people probably in the history of the world."

Courtney keeps needling him and needling him and needling him until... finally... he eventually gets tired of her and the Dawgsta drops the hammer on her.

Can't leave well enough alone

(whining)  "We were all supposed to celebrate and drink that wine together."


(whining)  "Why would you ever do that on your own?

(whining)  "You did have to a place to sleep!  You did!"

Loading up the guns...

"You really made a bad, bad call."

Both barrels fully loaded now...


And now the Dawgsta finally snaps

Right in the middle of her sentence, he turns his back to her

"I don't feel bad that I stole your wine."

"Like... I feel bad that I deprived them of wine."

"But I have no hard feelings whatsoever about the fact that you've been deprived of wine."


The priceless reaction that Bobby was talking about

Just one last glare to let her know that this argument is over

She starts talking again, but Bobby just turns his back to her and casually walks away

One last frustrated reaction shot

Like I said before, this is the one quote and the one scene that I wished I could have included on the original Funny 115.  I even told Bobby that the first time I ever exchanged emails with him.  This is the -one- Exile Island moment I wished I could have made an exception for on the original countdown.

Why do I love this scene so much?  Well I love it because it is just so Courtney (crazy, rambling, whiny), and because it is just so BobDawg (badass, witty, don't fuck with me).  It is pretty much the perfect interaction between two of the big standout characters in Exile Island.  Courtney says something whiny and annoying and unnecessary, and then the Dawgsta lets her wind down before he just lowers the hammer on her.  What more can you want from a Survivor scene?

I also love it because... well, in the words of Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction...I think it's some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker right before you pop a cap in her ass.

No, I think I'll drop my deuce right now, Courtney

Okay, the metaphor doesn't really fit perfectly, since Bobby was voted out at the end of the episode and Courtney survived.  But still, don't you think a guy named BobDawg would appreciate if somebody like me compared him to Jules Winnfield?   Don't you think that would warrant the Dawgsta one day sparing my life, and instead treating me to a complimentary Big Kahuna Burger?  Don't you think that maybe the two of us can one day walk the earth together?

For everything you did in your five episodes of Survivor, Bobby Mason, we thank you.

He's tryin'.  He's trying real hard to be the shepherd.

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