The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#59.  Jean-Robert mudplants
China - episode 8

Ah yes.   It is time for more Survivor magic from Jean-Robert.  

It is time... for the return of... The Frenchman.

"I'd like some pain au chocolat and some ass.  Oh ho ho."

Now, unfortunately, The Frenchman isn't going to come off quite as well in this entry as he did in the last one.  Remember his last entry?  The one where he got the entire Black Fighting Wind tribe to laugh at an inappropriate racial joke about James?

Jean Robert'd

BobDawg is not amused

Well unfortunately in this one the Frenchman isn't going to come off quite that well.

And yes, I know that is saying something when I am talking about following up on a racial slur.

This one is going to be more of an AFV moment

So anyway, here we go.  One of my favorite slapstick "dude falls on his face moments" of the past ten seasons.  

It was funny when it happened.  And it was even more funny because it happened to... you guessed it... The Frenchman.  Because when one of the sleaziest, slimiest, scummiest villains in Survivor history mudplants face first into the ground, I feel that you have to appreciate it.

Are you ready for your big slapstick entry, Monsieur Jean-Robert?

"After zees entry, maybe Courtney can faceplant onto my deek.  Oh ho ho."

It is the eighth episode of Survivor: China, and today the tribe will be competing in a little immunity challenge.

Or, as Jean-Robert himself might word it, today they will be competing for the American Immunity Idol.

Today they will be balancing on a big cloth dragon

Some might even call it a Flying Dragon

Tom Bergeron already approves

"Come on in, guys!"

The players walk in.  

And, unfortunately, they learn very quickly that this is going to be unpleasant challenge.

The reason it is going to be unpleasant is because they will be competing in a very messy, very yucky pile of mud.

The players attempt to walk through the mud to the start of the challenge

Ewwwww, it's gross!

Jeff laughs at them

Note the players standing knee or waist deep in mud as Jeff explains the rules to them

"Okay here's how we are going to do it."

"You guys will be balancing on barrels filled with water."

"Water will be slowly draining out of the bottom of the barrels, which will make them more and more unstable."

"The person who can balance on their barrel the longest and not fall in the mud wins the American Immunity Idol."

The Frenchman is pleased

And with that, the challenge is ready to begin.

The players take their positions

Ready to go

The closest Erik has ever come to having sex

"And this challenge is now underway."

Okay now here is what I love about this challenge.

What I love about it is the fact that Jean-Robert decides he is going to be an ass from pretty much the very first second it begins.

The minute Jeff drops that hand and says "Go!", Jean-Robert goes right into Jean-Robert mode.

"I don't think mine is balanced properly, Jeff."


More smiling

(sarcastically) "Glad you're still around, Jean-Robert."


"Always need a complainer."

"I thought I was the complainer!"

The challenge goes on for about ten minutes.  

Along the way, various players are having a difficult time time trying to stay on top of their barrel.

James struggles and makes funny noises.  "Eeee-ooooooh!"

Peih Gee struggles in silence

James struggles and makes more funny noises.  "Ooooo-ahhhhhh!"

Courtney slips into a coma

James continues to make funny noises.  "Waaaaay-ooh-waaaaay-ooooh!"

Denise sucks at strife

James:  "This sucks!  Bitch!"

But it isn't until the tenth minute of the challenge where somebody actually falls in the mud.

That person?  

You guessed it.

It is time for the #59 entry on the Funny 115.

In fact, I will just let Tom Bergeron take it from here.  After all, he is the pro at this.


"And here's a video that comes all the way from China!"

"I'm going to freeze frame the shot, and you predict where a person is going to be hit.  Is it going to be head?  Gut?  Or groin?"

"Well here's a guy who's sitting on top of a barrel.   I don't know why he's shirtless.  Maybe it's a barrel full of tanning oil."

(cue laugh track)

"Uh oh.  Looks like he is trying to show off."

"Now he tries to psych out the other people on the barrels by asking them if their faces itch."

Jean-Robert:  "All those mosquito bites from last night.  You sure you guys aren't itchy?"

Peih Gee:  "Shut up!"

"I think our shirtless young friend is about to get an itch of his own.  An itch in the mud."  (cue laugh track)

Probst:  "Jean-Robert playin' around."

Probst:  "And it could cost him!"

"Freeze frame!"

"And now ladies and gentlemen... we get to play Head!  Gut!  Or Groin!"

And the winner is...?


You know, there have been a lot of slapstick falls in Survivor history.  There have also been a lot of faceplants in the mud.  But for me, the Jean-Robert barrel faceplant has always been special.


Well two reasons.  

The first reason I love it so much is because, well, because it happened to Jean-Robert.  I mean, come on.  If a faceplant like this (which was caused 100% by him goofing off) would have happened to someone like Courtney or Erik, it wouldn't have been half as funny.  Okay, it might have been kind of funny if it had happened to Courtney, since she would have shattered on impact, but for 99% of other Survivors this faceplant wouldn't have been half as awesome as it was with Jean-Robert.   When your scummy, scuzzy loudmouth villain takes a faceplant this epic in the mud, I feel that you have to appreciate it.

"I'm Russell Hantz.  I invented mud!"

Now what's the second reason I love this particular faceplant so much?

Well, let me explain it this way.

A few years ago a friend of mine (Matt) wrote a parody of Survivor called Super-vivor.   It was a very broad parody of the show, and it featured lots of sight gags and quirky character details that I thought were really funny.

There was one particular scene Matt included in his story that always made me laugh, and that I have never forgotten.  There was one scene where Rupert won a challenge, and he got to go on a reward.   And, well, Rupert's reward turned out to be bungee jumping.

In the story Supe-rvivor, Rupert stands on the edge of a cliff.   He leans out over the edge.  He jumps out as far as he can.  And then... because he is so heavy, the bungee cord goes all the way to the bottom and Rupert just stops.  He never bounces back up like he is supposed to.  Rupert just stays there at the bottom of the bungee cord until somebody comes and rescues him.

What I guess I am trying to say is that physics jokes always kill me.



What I guess I am trying to say is... watch this scene again and watch how Jean-Robert hits the ground.  He doesn't bounce back up like you think a person would do when they hit the ground.  Nor does he submerge like you think somebody would do when they hit the mud.   He doesn't really even move at all.   He just hits the ground face first and that's it.  It's one shot, splut, and then he just stays there like Rupert on the bungee cord.  

It is the physics of this scene that kill me more than anything.


Um, I think he died.



Now this may have been the end of the Frenchman, but never fear Jean-Robert fans.  He will make a triumphant return in about 30 entries.  

Until then, all I can do is leave you with this.

Take it away, Mister Eric Cartman.

Screw you guys.  I'm goin' home.

P.S.  Want a link to that Super-vivor story I was talking about?  Well here it is, in Word format.  This story was quite the hit when it came out at Survivor Sucks in 2004.   This is just a link to episode one, but if you want to read more be sure to say so in the guestbook.  Maybe Matt and Marcy will be able to dig up some of the later episodes.

P.P.S.  A lot of people wanted me to do an entry about the weird noises that James makes when he is trying to stay on top of his barrel.  But I didn't think it would make a very good entry because it was just audio.  However, if you do watch this scene, watch for the weird noises that James makes when he is trying to keep from falling in the mud.  They aren't quite as good as the Jean-Robert mudplant, but they would have made a fine Funny 115 entry just on their own.

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