The
Funny 115 - version 2.0
#59.
Jean-Robert mudplants
China - episode 8
Ah yes. It is time for more Survivor magic from Jean-Robert.
It is time... for the return of... The Frenchman.
"I'd like some pain au chocolat and some ass. Oh ho ho."
Now,
unfortunately, The Frenchman isn't going to come off quite as well in
this entry as he did in the last one. Remember his last
entry?
The one
where he got the entire Black Fighting Wind tribe to laugh at an
inappropriate racial joke about James?
BobDawg is not amused
Well unfortunately in this one the Frenchman isn't going to come off
quite that well.
And yes, I know that is saying something when I am talking about
following up on a racial slur.
This one is going to be more of an AFV moment
So anyway, here we go. One of my favorite slapstick "dude
falls on his face moments" of the past ten seasons.
It
was funny when it happened. And it was even more funny
because it
happened to... you guessed it... The Frenchman. Because when
one
of the sleaziest, slimiest, scummiest villains in Survivor history
mudplants face first into the ground, I feel that you have to
appreciate it.
Are you ready for your big slapstick entry, Monsieur Jean-Robert?
"After zees entry, maybe Courtney can faceplant onto my deek.
Oh ho ho."
It is the eighth episode of Survivor: China, and today the tribe will
be competing in a little immunity challenge.
Or, as Jean-Robert himself might word it, today they will be competing
for the American Immunity Idol.
Today they will be balancing on a big cloth dragon
Some might even call it a Flying Dragon
Tom Bergeron already approves
"Come on in, guys!"
The players walk in.
And, unfortunately, they learn very quickly that this is going to be
unpleasant challenge.
The reason it is going to be unpleasant is because they will be
competing in a very messy, very yucky pile of mud.
The players attempt to walk through the mud to the start of the
challenge
Ewwwww, it's gross!
Jeff laughs at them
Note the players standing knee or waist deep in mud as Jeff explains
the rules to them
"Okay here's how we are going to do it."
"You guys will be balancing on barrels filled with water."
"Water will be slowly draining out of the bottom of the barrels, which
will make them more and more unstable."
"The person who can balance on their barrel the longest and not fall in
the mud wins the American Immunity Idol."
The Frenchman is pleased
And with that, the challenge is ready to begin.
The players take their positions
Ready to go
The closest Erik has ever come to having sex
"And this challenge is now underway."
Okay now here is what I love about this challenge.
What
I love about it is the fact that Jean-Robert decides he is going to be
an ass from pretty much the very first second it begins.
The minute Jeff drops that hand and says "Go!", Jean-Robert goes right
into Jean-Robert mode.
"I don't think mine is balanced properly, Jeff."
Smiling
More smiling
(sarcastically) "Glad you're still around, Jean-Robert."
Laughing
"Always need a complainer."
"I thought I was the complainer!"
The challenge goes on for about ten minutes.
Along the way, various players are having a difficult time time trying
to stay on top of their barrel.
James struggles and makes funny noises. "Eeee-ooooooh!"
Peih Gee struggles in silence
James struggles and makes more funny noises. "Ooooo-ahhhhhh!"
Courtney slips into a coma
James continues to make funny noises.
"Waaaaay-ooh-waaaaay-ooooh!"
Denise sucks at strife
James: "This sucks! Bitch!"
But it isn't until the tenth minute of the challenge where somebody
actually falls in the mud.
That person?
You guessed it.
It is time for the #59 entry on the Funny 115.
In fact, I will just let Tom Bergeron take it from here.
After all, he is the pro at this.
Tom?
"And here's a video that comes all the way from China!"
"I'm
going to freeze frame the shot, and you predict where a person is going
to be hit. Is it going to be head? Gut?
Or groin?"
"Well
here's a guy who's sitting on top of a barrel. I don't know
why
he's shirtless. Maybe it's a barrel full of tanning
oil."
(cue laugh track)
"Uh oh. Looks like he is trying to show off."
"Now he tries to psych out the other people on the barrels by asking
them if their faces itch."
Jean-Robert: "All those mosquito bites from last night.
You sure you guys aren't itchy?"
Peih Gee: "Shut up!"
"I think our shirtless young friend is about to get an itch of his own.
An itch in the
mud."
(cue laugh track)
Probst: "Jean-Robert playin' around."
Probst: "And it could cost him!"
"Freeze frame!"
"And now ladies and gentlemen... we get to play Head! Gut!
Or Groin!"
And the winner is...?
"Head!"
You
know, there have been a lot of slapstick falls in Survivor history.
There have also been a lot of faceplants in the mud.
But
for me, the Jean-Robert barrel faceplant has always been special.
Why?
Well two reasons.
The
first reason I love it so much is because, well, because it happened to
Jean-Robert. I mean, come on. If a faceplant like
this
(which was caused 100% by him goofing off) would have happened to
someone like Courtney or Erik, it wouldn't have been half as funny.
Okay, it might have been kind of funny if it had happened to
Courtney, since she would have shattered on impact, but for 99% of
other Survivors this faceplant wouldn't have been half as awesome as it
was with Jean-Robert. When your scummy, scuzzy loudmouth
villain
takes a faceplant this epic in the mud, I feel that you have to
appreciate it.
"I'm Russell Hantz. I
invented
mud!"
Now what's the second reason I love this particular faceplant so much?
Well, let me explain it this way.
A
few years ago a friend of mine (Matt) wrote a parody of Survivor called
Super-vivor. It was a very broad parody of the show, and it
featured lots of sight gags and quirky character details that
I
thought were really funny.
There was one particular scene Matt
included in his story that always made me laugh, and that I have never
forgotten. There was one scene where Rupert won a challenge,
and
he got to go on a reward. And, well, Rupert's reward turned
out
to be bungee jumping.
In the story Supe-rvivor, Rupert stands on
the edge of a cliff. He leans out over the edge.
He jumps
out as far as he can. And then... because he is so
heavy, the bungee cord goes all the way to the bottom and Rupert just
stops. He never bounces back up like he is supposed to.
Rupert just stays there at the bottom of the bungee
cord
until somebody comes and rescues him.
What I guess I am trying to say is that physics jokes always kill me.
"Merde!"
Splut
What
I guess I am trying to say is... watch this scene again and watch how
Jean-Robert hits the ground. He doesn't bounce back up like
you
think a person would do when they hit the ground. Nor does he
submerge like you think somebody would do when they hit the mud.
He doesn't
really even move at all. He just hits the ground face first
and
that's it. It's one shot, splut, and then he just stays there
like Rupert on the bungee cord.
It is the physics of this scene that kill me more than
anything.
*smuff*
Um, I think he died.
Huh.
Win
Now
this may have been the end of the Frenchman, but never fear Jean-Robert
fans. He will make a triumphant return in about 30 entries.
Until then, all I can do is leave you with this.
Take it away, Mister Eric Cartman.
Screw you guys. I'm goin' home.
P.S. Want a link to that Super-vivor story I was talking
about? Well
here it is, in Word format.
This story was quite the hit when it came out at Survivor
Sucks
in 2004. This is just a link to episode one, but if
you
want to read more be sure to say so in the guestbook. Maybe
Matt
and Marcy will be able to dig up some of the later episodes.
P.P.S.
A lot of people wanted me to do an entry about the weird
noises
that James makes when he is trying to stay on top of his barrel.
But I didn't think it would make a very good entry because it
was
just audio. However, if you do watch this scene, watch for
the
weird noises that James makes when he is trying to keep from falling in
the mud. They aren't quite as good as the Jean-Robert
mudplant,
but they would have made a fine Funny 115 entry just on their own.
