The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#83.  The Stupidest Fight Ever
Gabon - episode 9

Okay now this is a personal favorite moment on the countdown.   Because, honestly, if you were going to make a list of the ten stupidest fights in Survivor history, this one would have to be in the top five.  Hell, in my opinion, I'd say it has to be number one.  I can't think of any fight in Survivor history that was as stupid or as ridiculous as this one.  And yes, I'm even including Robb Zbacnik.

Hates rules

Let's check out the recap and see if you agree with me.

It's the ninth episode of Survivor: Gabon, and today the tribes will be competing in a reward challenge.  And the theme of today's challenge is... Survivor Golf!

The goal is to use a slingshot to shoot a golf ball into a hole

Like this

The Fangs and the Kotas square off in a best of three golf challenge, with the winning tribe getting a meal and an overnight in a Gabonese village.  First tribe to win two holes wins the challenge.

Fang lines up their shot for the first hole

But it doesn't matter because Kota wins the first hole.  Kota up, 1-0.

Hole two is another story, however, as the Fangs come storming back to tie the challenge up, one hole apiece.

Fang sizes up the winning shot


Fang celebrates.  Well, okay, at least as much as Randy can celebrate

So anyway, it's now 1-1.  All tied up.  Next hole wins the reward challenge.

And now comes the fun part.  

Get ready to see the single stupidest fight in Survivor history.

Fang lines up their opening shot on the third hole

It's a good one

The Kotas have a chance to win the challenge, but their third shot goes right over the hole and rolls all the way down the hill.  Crystal facepalms.

With Kota facepalming their way out of the challenge, the Fangs have an easy chance to win...

And they do.  Their third shot lands right on the side of the hole.  And I'm serious.  It is LITERALLY RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF THE HOLE.  Their next shot (the winning shot) is only going to be about 9 inches.

Charlie celebrates

And here we go...

Fang lines up their winning 9 inch shot

And they start to bicker about it

Randy starts bitching at Matty.

Matty glares at Randy

Randy starts bitching again

Matty tells him to STFU

Randy sulks

Now keep in mind... the Fangs still haven't won the challenge.  Not yet.   All they have to do is drop the ball literally straight down directly down into the hole, and they will win.  

But that's not going to happen just yet.

Because apparently they still have more bickering to do.

Fang lines up their shot, and Randy again takes offense to the angle they are using

"A lot of discussion.  They are right on the hole.   How can they blow it?"

They carefully line up the 9 inch shot once again...

... and nope.  Randy and Matty get in a fight over the angle again.  Again, the shot is aborted.  Randy says that now he wants to shoot it.

"No!  I'm gonna shoot it!  Just hold the @%#^# slingshot!"

Randy again lectures them on the angle they need to be using.  And why he should be the one shooting.

Jeff is amused by Fang's inability to make a simple 9-inch golf shot

The Kotas look on in bewilderment

We're now at minute five of the stupidest fight in Survivor history, and Randy is still lecturing Matty

Charlie tries to keep the peace.  He pleads with Matty and Randy to just work together

It doesn't work.  They go after each other again.

We're now at about minute seven.  They are still fighting.  Even Sugar is starting to look bored by this point.

More fighting. I think we are now at about minute nine.


Matty has to take a deep breath to calm himself down

"Fang, one big happy tribe, obviously."

Now the Fangs finally line up the winning shot.  It seems like it has been about twelve minutes.

Ready... set....


"Fang!  About fucking time!"

Ha ha.  I love the fact that it took the Fangs about twelve minutes to make a nine inch golf shot.  A shot that, literally, they could have just dropped straight down and they would have won.

I love the fact that they had about five separate, distinct fights about this shot before they actually got around to doing it.

I love everything about this scene.

But what I love the most about this scene is the fact that-- even after the Fangs have made the shot and won the challenge-- even after all of that, the fight still isn't over.


The challenge may be over, the reward may be won.  

But the fight sure aint over.

Randy throws down the slingshot and refuses to hug his teammates

Sugar, Matty and Charlie hug, but Randy just walks off to the side and pouts

Randy kicks the dirt angrily.  Meanwhile, in the background, Matty lets out his crazy laugh (seriously, listen for it on the Youtube channel, this laugh is as bizarre as the turkey gobble).

"Fang!  Wins reward!  This should be a fun afternoon!"

Matty finally reaches Randy and tries to calm him down with a hug

It doesn't work

Randy kindly tells him to toss off

Yay!  A post-victory confrontation!

Sugar pleads with Randy.  "Why are you so upset?  We won!"

And thus ends the single stupidest fight in Survivor history.

Believe in Yourself

P.S.  But wait!  There's more!

Want more awesomeness from this scene?   Well how about this?  Randy is still bitching about the golf shot two days later at Tribal Council.

"The shot that Matty took, he would make nine times out of ten."

"If everybody would have shut up and listened to what I was saying, I had a shot that would have made it ten times out of ten."

Randy's Fang teammates react

Doesn't get invited over to play much

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