Funny 115 - The Third One
The Passing of the Trumpet
Philippines - episode 13
This is one of those entries that is hilarious if you know
Survivor history. In fact, it is similar to an entry I did
on version 2 of the Funny 115 called Hey Colby.
On the surface, maybe it's only mildly funny. But
get how it fits into its place in history, it quickly
Oh yeah, and it's time we finally get to meet the craziest
player of the last ten seasons of Survivor.
No, I'm not talking N-word crazy. I'm
talking legitimately crazy.
I'm talking about the bright golden ray of sunshine known as Abi-Maria.
I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES AND BATHE IN THEIR BLOOD!
Abi-Maria is... um... well... she is an experience.
She is always high strung.
She is always very passionate.
She seems like she is always pissed off.
As a TV character, she is a lot of fun.
Abi in one of her happier moods
She is pretty much the definition of poise, and grace, and
charm, and charisma at all times.
I'm sure I will have tons to say about Abi later in the
countdown, but for now let's talk about the great "passing of the
torch" moment in Philippines between her and another notable Survivor
psychopath, Mike Skupin.
Abi-Maria. Psychopath #1. Loves
attention and conflict.
Mike Skupin. Psychopath #2. Loves
[redacted] and [redacted].
Okay, so we're down to the final five in Philippines, and Abi-Maria is
pretty much driving everyone crazy.
She never shuts up.
She causes drama every minute of the day.
She demands attention from everyone at all times.
Hell, she even drives Lisa Whelchel insane, and Lisa Whelchel used to
have to deal with Tootie.
Seriously, fuck you Tootie
It's the final five. And in maybe the worst
Survivor bluff since Probst claimed that the fans enjoy Redemption Island, Abi
is trying to convince the rest of the players that she has a hidden idol.
Has no idol. Fools nobody.
In typical Abi fashion, she can't just tell everyone that
she has an idol.
No, because she's Abi, and because she has to be the center of
attention at all times, she has to loudly talk about her idol every god
damn minute of the day.
She has to publicize it.
And this does not go over well with the older, more mature members of
It also doesn't go over well with Skupin.
Abi loudly hints that she is going to go out in the woods
and dig up her idol
Did they buy it? Did they buy it? Did
they buy it?
Mike waits until she leaves before he can share his
exasperation with everyone
He quickly shoots Denise and
Blair Lisa a look
"She announces with trumpets that I'm going into the woods for a while."
And so there you have it.
Mike Skupin is amused that they have a big self-important attention whore on the tribe.
One who has to loudly announce with trumpets any time she does something.
Boy, I sure bet that would be annoying, huh?
But... hey... waittttttttt a minute.
It seems to me we have actually heard something like this on Survivor before.
In fact, I seem to remember a similar quote being made waaaaaaaay back in the second season of Survivor.
Back in the Australian Outback.
The year was 2001. 9/11 hadn't happened yet. Life was soooooo gooooooood.
Okay, so we're all the way back in the second season of Survivor.
And it turns out that the Kucha tribe has an annoying gigantic attention whore on their tribe.
Someone who is always the center of attention.
Someone who never shuts up.
Someone who has to be the focal point of all things Kucha at all times.
In fact, I think I will let Jeff Varner remind us who that was.
"When other people catch a fish, they just catch a fish." "But when [this guy] catches it there are trumpets that blare and angels that sing." "And you know, everbody's gotta sit down and gather 'round him and hold his hands and watch him carve it out." I caught a fish. Everyone come celebrate me.
So who was this mysterious attention whore who had to loudly announce with trumpets any time he was going to go do something?
Yes, you guessed it.
It was Mike Skupin.
I WAS BATHING IN BLOOD BEFORE IT WAS COOL
Like I said, if you know your Survivor history, this moment is awesome.
The original Abi-Maria
P.S. Hey look, Abi even knew I was going to write this entry.
You will let me know when those trumpets stop blaring, won't you?