The Funny 115 - The Third One


The Monkey's Paw Tale of Dan Foley - Dan, the Smooth-Talking Rogue

Felt cute, might beat up Mario for this writeup later



"There's a rumor floating around that Dan is cousins with Mick Foley (aka Mankind), who was pretty much the craziest pro wrestler of all time. I don't know if it's true (at least I don't think that it's true), but it does make me wistful for one thing. I wish we saw the moment when Mankind called the Undertaker's mom a whore."



Okay, so Kelly from the Blue Collars has just been voted out of the game.




So much for my dreams



And with that, the plans for the Blue Collars to run this thing to the end are now probably dead.




So much for OUR dreams



After all, if there was ONE tribe in Survivor history where the players didn't get along with each other... and they needed a strong, central, stable figure to keep everyone happy and unified...




Besides Samburu



Yeah, besides Samburu. If there was ONE tribe in Survivor history that needed one non-crazy person in the middle, to keep all the crazies together...




Besides Casaya



Yeah, also besides Casaya.

If there was ONE tribe in Survivor history where the players all hated each other, and they fought like cats and dogs, and they needed someone in the middle holding everyone together...




It was probably the Blue Collars



And you're about to see what happens when a combustible tribe like Samburu or Casaya suddenly loses their stabilizing rudder.




Shit, this is starting to turn into the McFly family picture



So there are four Blue Collars left in the game now.

And, naturally, the first thing that happens after the Kelly vote is they immediately start to turn on each other.




"This vote was a hundred percent Mike's fault. He fucked us over tonight, bro."



Yep, this is where the Rodney vs. Mike rivalry really starts to kick up in high gear.

Rodney's coming after Mike HARD now. A hundred thousand trillion percent.




Mike's a dead man now. He's an idiot. He's dunzo.



And, of course, Dan and Sierra are still barely even on speaking terms with each other.

Because of... you know... before.




And another thing, Sierra, you don't smell very good. I'm just trying to help you.



Because of all this, Dan is suddenly going to be thrown into a position he has never actually been in before in this game.




The smooth-talking rogue



That's right. For the first time all game, he is no longer going to have a five-man alliance around him, protecting him. From here on out, he is very much going to be on his own.

He's got one ally left in this game, Mike.




And that's it



"The craziest thing about reading Worlds Apart interviews is that they all contradict each other. Dan claims that the only two threats to him winning Worlds Apart were Tyler and Mike. And he claims that, in a secret scene, Tyler said Dan was the third biggest threat in the game, right after those two. Mike and Jenn vehemently disagree with this claim in their interviews though. They both say that Dan had no chance."



In any case, the entire rest of Dan's storyline in Worlds Apart is him trying to adapt to a game where HE has to be the one calling the shots now. He can no longer rely on Blue Collar dominance and loyalty to carry him along.

At this point in the game, all strategy, positioning, socialization, and manipulation of others is now going to be up to HIM.




God help us



So anyway, let's watch as Dan turns into the Survivor equivalent of Happy Gilmore.

A guy who is really, really good at the driving game. But maybe not all that great at the smaller, subtle putting game.




Dan persuading Shirin to vote with the Blue Collars



First off, we have the episode eight reward challenge.

This doesn't appear to be all that significant to Dan's storyline at first. But it actually is when you pay attention to the end of it.

Check it out.




"You guys ready to get to today's reward challenge?"



Say it with me...




(ten decibels louder than anyone else) "ABSOLUTELY!"




"Wanna know what you're playing for?"




"HELLLLLL, YEAAAAH!"




"The winner of today's challenge gets to zip line."




Ohhhhhhhhhhh!




"You get to zipline... and also eat pizza."







Dan doesn't win this challenge, of course.

Because it's a balance beam.




The audacity



But again, for one brief moment in time...




He flew



And then here you go. This is the part of the scene that I think is actually really important.




After the challenge, Joe gets to pick one lucky person to go with him on the reward




And he ponders who, out of all the players over there, would probably get the most out of this



And Shirin is the first person to point out that she should really be the one to go on the reward.

Because, well, in her own words...




"Because I'm a superfan."



And this, of course, is a comment that is going to piss Dan right the hell off. Because he has already decided that that is HIS storyline.

HIS story on Worlds Apart is that HE is the superfan.




You think YOU are the superfan? Why, I should challenge you to a duel.
Dan tries to override Shirin's comment by pointing out that HE is actually the big superfan here.




"Also a superfan."



And in the end, guess which superfan Joe picks?




Not the smug, older, bearded one




Oh my god, Joey Amazing. I love you.



In any case, just file that little moment away for later. Because if it feels like Dan has a grudge with Shirin, I'm guessing moments like this are one of the main reasons why. Shirin is attempting to step all over his storyline.

He sees it, and I'm guessing he hates it.




Joe Anglim, you broke a superfan's heart today



"In an interview after the season, Dan said that Shirin was upset to be placed on the white collar tribe. On the first day on the mats, she announced that she should really be a no-collar, because she does drugs, and because she goes to Burning Man. Dan didn't think her TV edit was very accurate."


"All these players complaining about "their Survivor moment" not going at they planned. It makes me laugh. They do know that they are mere pawns in a corporate-entertainment juggernaut, right? This isn't Pee-Wee Football."

Oh yeah, and speaking of Joey Amazing pissing everyone off, let's go to one of my favorite underrated Dan Foley moments.

It's later in episode eight.

It's The Great Joe Anglim Idol Hunt.




See, Joe has a clue to a hidden immunity idol, and he is out there in the jungle, actively looking for it



And this is a problem for everyone else in the game, because...




Well, because Joe wins every single god damn immunity



If Joe were to win every single immunity challenge the rest of the game, PLUS have a hidden idol in his pocket, that would make him pretty much unstoppable.

The other players are aware of this, of course.

And that's why episode eight quickly turns into...




(screaming in redneck) "STOP JOE ANGLIM!"



So the whole middle part of episode eight is Mike, Tyler, Dan, and company all trying to babysit Joe.




Why yes, Joe, I would like to hear more about the Deep State. Please tell me all about it.



Just so he can't run away and go look for the idol.




Like this



But at a certain point in the babysitting, they DO lose him.

All of a sudden, they realize no one is watching Joe anymore.

Joey Amazing has run off into the woods.




What the hell. Where'd he go?




How'd we lose this guy? Who was supposed to be watching him??



And, uh, who do you THINK was supposed to be watching him?




That's right. Our old friend, Beardalf the Wise.



They lost Joe into the jungle, because it turns out Dan Foley was changing his pants.




"Dude, I was changin'!"




"He came down the path, and he came this way. I don't know where he went!"




(screaming in Texas) DAN! WHAT THE FUCK?! WATCH JOE!



And, if you're scoring along at home, that's already the SECOND time this season that Dan's pants choices have almost cost him the game.




Never forget

"Hey Mario, every time you post that pic of Dan Foley in the Speedo, I never know if it has a waistband or if that's a weird flat band of skin in between his belly and the Speedo. Help?"



Annnnnnd with that, that takes us right into the "Shirin in the water" scene.




Buckle up, Survivor fans



Okay, before I delve into the water scene (which I believe is the only actual "controversial" scene Dan is ever actually a part of) let me first spell out how most fans remember this scene as going down.

This is how almost anyone will tell you it went down if they haven't watched Worlds Apart in a while.




"Shirin, you have no loved ones at home. And nobody misses you."




"And you're too stupid to understand basic math."




"Also, someone should beat her."



That's NOT how it actually goes down, of course. But it's how everyone remembers it.




The Internet



With that being said, now let's look at how the water scene was portrayed on TV.

And I'll try to interpret what I think is actually going on here.



"I remember hearing Dan defend this scene in an interview a while back. He said the basic math conversation started with Shirin boasting to Dan about how she got info out of him before the last vote. And then she fed that info to Jenn, so Jenn would know where to play her hidden immunity idol. So the part you see on TV is Dan simply replying to Shirin bragging about how smart she was. What you're seeing is two annoying superfans just attempting to out-smug one another."

 

Okay so here is the scene, as it's presented in the episode.




"You worried about this idol nonsense?", asks Shirin



She's talking about the big idol hunt where everyone is supposed to be babysitting Joe.




Turns out, Dan is not very worried about it




Well, you should be



And I'm guessing this is the part where we just see his response to Shirin's boasting, but we never actually saw the boasting itself.




"I'm more surprised at you, to be honest with you."




"I really am, actually."



"Are you worried about the idol?"
"I'm more surprised about you."

Note that those two responses don't actually go together. He isn't responding to the thing that you think he is.




"You're like me. You're a fan."




"Why is it that fans can't do basic math?"




"Why would you side yourself on the short side of the stick?"



Okay, admittedly, that's not the nicest thing a Survivor could say to another player. But it's hardly the worst thing we have ever seen on the show. Might I remind you of ninety percent of the things Tyson said about other people? Often right to their faces?




Here's fan favorite Tyson telling Sierra she can't be the mastermind, because she's not smart enough



Also, I need to point out that Dan is really, really bad at the subtle little manipulation part of Survivor. And I'm guessing that's exactly what he is trying to do here. I think he's trying to reverse psychology Shirin. He's questioning her intelligence, in an attempt to get her onto his side.

Which, again, he wouldn't be the first bad player to try to pull off that strategy.



 
I INSULT PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, AND IT GETS ME TO THE END!



Okay, so back to the scene.

Dan has just asked Shirin why she would align with the smaller of the two alliances in the game (Joe, Hali, Jenn). Which isn't a bad question, honestly. If a smoother talker had asked that same question, nobody would bat an eye over it. But because it's Dan, naturally, everyone just hates him.

Why WOULD you align with the smaller of the two alliances, Shirin?




"Because I got plans."



And here goes Dan trying (unsuccessfully) to reverse psychology her again.

Note that all he is trying to do here is GET HER TO SWITCH SIDES and join up with Dan's side.

He just happens to be very very bad at this particular part of the game.




"You're just one of Joe's minions."




"And that's what you're seen as now."







And this is the part of this scene that I really, really wanted to talk about. DAN IS NOT INCORRECT HERE. In the words of Dan Foley himself, I can't disagree with him.

If Shirin just rides a Joe immunity streak all the way to the end, she's going to get buried and lose to him big time in the final jury vote. Either that, or the three No Collars (Joe, Jenn, Hali) are just going to use her for a while, and then get rid of Shirin when they don't need her anymore at the final four.

The guy is blunt in the way he says it, but he's not wrong.




Also, come join us! We're the good guys!



Okay, he doesn't actually say that. But that's clearly the implication here.

Dan's not trying to beat Shirin down, and take away her will to live, like Will would do later. In this particular scene, he's attempting to sway her.

He's just doing it... in a very Dan Foley way.


 

The... audacity?



And then, of course, the scene devolves into exactly what you think a conversation between two annoying smug, know-it-all superfans would turn into.

It turns into a game of "Nuh-uh/Uh-huh."

Also known as "I know more about this game/No, I do."




"Seriously. Your game is done."




Nah




"Your game is ooooooover."




"I think you just don't understand my game."




"You're right. I don't."




Ha ha ha ha.



And again, this all makes sense when you realize how this conversation actually started in the first place. It started as Shirin bragging about how smart she was last night at the Jenn vote. And Dan replying that no, you're not actually that smart, all you did is you actually screwed yourself. And then later, rinse, repeat, as they both sit there and they attempt to out-smug one another.

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW A CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO KNOW-IT-ALL SUPERFANS WOULD GO.




"You're an eeeeeeeeasy mark."




"That makes you a Very. Easy. Target."




We'll see




Yep, we'll see



Although this DOES gloss over one really, really important part of this scene. Which I'm guessing is one you've probably never actually thought about before.

Have you ever thought that the reason Dan came down to talk to Shirin wasn't because he wanted to berate her?




But maybe because they were actually fairly close? 




And maybe they talked game theory like this all the time?



Again, go back to that quote I included in the last chapter of this Dan entry.



"I know both Shirin and Dan. And, I mean, Shirin hated Dan less than about ten other people in the cast, if that's any indication. He wasn't all that high on her shit list."



I know this contradicts the edit quite a bit, but in real life, Shirin didn't even hate Dan all that much. According to people who knew both of them at the time, Dan wasn't even all that prominent on her Steve Buscemi list of Worlds Apart players that she wanted to kill. It's possible she talked game theory like this with the only other superfan left in the game ALL THE TIME.

I mean, how did this conversation in the water even start in the first place?

It was because they'd had a similar conversation the day before, and she had somehow sussed out the voting plans from him.




By the way, we're all voting for Jenn tonight. Please don't tell anyone.



So anyway, the scene continues...

And here comes the part that everyone remembers.




"You know, once again, another fan who can't do basic math."



I love that he says "once again", by the way. As if this were a common trope that somehow comes up every season on Survivor.




Superfans and math. Like Boston Rob and the fafaru.



I mean, was this a tradition by this point, on season thirty? That superfans always can't do basic math?

Did I somehow miss that part of Survivor history??




Oh




Never mind. I guess I did.
I guess we need to check in with the greatest superfan of them all when it comes to this subject.







Thanks, Cochran.

Anyway, let's go finish off Dan and Shirin's little smug-off.




Let's see. How else can I insult you to persuade you?




"There's only two people in this game, Shirin"




"People who don't do anything. And get voted out because of it."




"And people who do too much, and annoy everybody. And get voted out."




"Case in point."



By the way, I love how Dan points out that somebody else "is annoying to people", and "is going to do something dumb" and "get herself voted out." I mean, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is. And again, this is just the part of the god's gift to the editors that is "Dan Foley."




You'll probably get an advantage, and find some way to fuck it up, Shirin. I mean, my god!



And then Dan finishes with...




"You did it to yourself."




"And that's just the truth."




Whatever, mountain man. Just fucking deliver my mail.



And we cap it with one of the greatest Dan Foley-isms of them all.

As he tries to soften the blow.




"You know, I'm actually just trying to be nice."




"I truly am."




He is basically Bob Ross



"Dan is so ridiculously unaware of how he comes off on TV. His whole edit was art. It was beautiful."



And thus ends a scene that is actually way less hostile, and way less abusive, than I think most people tend to interpret it as. It's really just two Survivor superfans having a smug-off with each other in the water. Two people who I'm guessing were actually fairly close to each other, and who probably talked all the time. And who both probably thought they were always right about EVERYTHING.

Oh yeah, and I guess then we need to add in this last part.



"I can't stand Dan, but I think he had a pretty good point in his postgame interviews. It seemed fairly obvious that they placed confessionals in certain places to make him seem like an awful person. Like the “slap” confessional. That confessional could have been about hundreds of other events, but it was placed exactly where it was, to make Dan look as horrible as possible."



So yeah. The slap confessional.

Do you remember this one? I'm sure that you do. It was inserted right into the middle of this water scene.




"Shanini, or whatever her name is..."




(laughing) "I can't remember her damn name because she annoys me so much."



The important thing to note about this next part is that we don't actually SEE Dan say it. We only hear it as a voiceover, played over the water scene. This is a very clever tactic that the editors often use on reality TV shows, when they want you to think that one thing is somehow related to another.

In any case, here are Dan's exact (unrelated) words that we hear superimposed over the water scene.




"Somebody slap this woman."




"For the love of god, just slap her and shut her up already."




"Dear god in heaven, do us all a favor."



And then we finish with another sneaky editing tactic. Where they end his rant by cutting back to Dan in a confessional. So you think he really was saying this about Shirin in the water.




"I cannot WAAAAAIT til her torch goes out!"



Okay, I have a lot to say about this little confessional. And I know this is going to be fun, because this confessional is basically 150-200% of the reason that 150-200% of Survivor fans all hate Dan Foley so much. This, right here, is the big epicenter.




"All women should be beaten!"



First off, I guess we need to get to the obvious. Do you know what Dan is actually trying to do in this particular confessional?

Oh, and I should add that it IS a real Dan Foley confessional. They finally show the footage of it later in the season, during the reunion show. They didn't just put words into his mouth, he really did say this.




"Somebody slap this woman."




"For the love of god, just slap her and shut her up already."



Obviously, Dan got called out for this confessional pretty hard. Both by Probst at the reunion show...

"The Shirin comment where you said, "Somebody slap this woman, for the love of God, somebody slap her and shut her up already."




"What's your frustration with that?"




"My frustration is that, number one, I had no idea about Shirin's past."




"I would have never made that comment had I did."




"Okay stop there. Cause number two doesn't exist."



... and also in just about every single postgame interview Dan ever did.



From an interview with Dalton Ross. After being told it was probably not a great choice of words regardless:

Dan Foley: “You know something, how many times have you said or anybody else out there in the world has said, ‘God I could just kill this person?’ Do you go home and plot murder? It’s an expression, people! Get a grip! There wasn’t a single person on the entire season that didn’t say derogatory things about Shirin. How many times have we seen Jenn saying ‘God, will she just shut up?’ She was even doing that at Ponderosa! Tyler did it at Ponderosa. Everybody wanted her to shut up! Nobody wanted to listen to her anymore. If that many people are saying the same thing to you, are we all bullies, or should you reevaluate how you deal with people? Okay? I meant it as an expression. It was a metaphor. I am not promoting violence against women. Or anybody for that matter. It was merely a phrase."



Obviously Dan got called out for his comments many, many times down the road.




"Are you saying by that, Dan, that there's a situation that it WOULD be okay?"



And, of course, again, he quickly became the number one enemy of...




The Internet



But there's one part of this confessional that I think never ever EVER gets mentioned. And I think it's an important one.

Do you realize what Dan is actually DOING when he brings up that "someone should slap Shirin?"

Do you realize he is actually doing a comedy bit?




Remember guys, I'm the FUNNY ONE!



If there's one thing you need to keep in mind when you watch Dan Foley in Worlds Apart, it's that he thinks he is amazing TV. I mean, in every single aspect there could possibly be. He always thinks he's the smartest one. He always thinks he's the savviest one. He always thinks he's the most dangerous one. And yes, in his confessionals, he always thinks he's the funniest one.




"Smell ya later!"



And when you realize that he thinks he's a soundbyte machine... and that his confessionals are always comedy gold...




And that he's going to openly start quoting famous movies later in his confessionals




Don't worry, we'll get to that



It seems pretty obvious to me that Dan is just doing a comedy bit in his "someone should slap Shirin" confessional.

I mean, you might have to be a certain age to remember that this was once a big comedy trope. But Dan is definitely of the right age to remember it. You might not be the right age, but he was.

When people get hysterical, and out of control, you sometimes have to slap them to snap out of it.




As seen in this famous clip from the movie "Airplane!"



Is this the type of comedy that would have worked in the year 2015? Of course not. You can't go around slapping women in movies to make them calm down anymore. I haven't seen that kind of a comedy scene in a movie in decades. But to someone's Dan age (he was born in 1967), who is basically a hick from rural Maine, I'm guessing it's possible he never actually got that message. That stuff that was funny in 1980 might not be all that funny anymore.




Although I continue to stand by the Jive Guys



So anyway, keep that in mind when you watch the "Someone should slap Shirin!" confessional the next time. Dan is correct when he says you're not supposed to be taking it literally. It's simply a phrase. He is simply doing a comedy bit. A comedy bit that hasn't been relevant in about forty years, true, but still, a comedy bit.

That's all it was.

That's all that it ever was.




He thinks he is referencing Airplane



Also, I should point out that the actress in that slapping scene is the one who actually suggested it. That's how prevalent this comedy trope used to be. ANYONE Dan's age would have known about it.


From various Airplane! trivia pages:
The "I gotta get out of here!" scene where a stewardess tries to calm down a hysterical passenger was actually improvised on the spot. The original scene, based on a scene from Zero Hour! (1957), only called for the stewardess to try to calm her and then another passenger tells the stewardess that he'll handle this and then slaps her. The joke was supposed to end there. Lee Bryant, playing the hysterical woman, suggested to the directors that the gag should be extended to bring in other annoyed passengers forming a "slap line". Although they liked the idea, they were hesitant to do it, fearing Bryant might get hurt. However, they agreed to try it and even added in props (boxing gloves, tire iron, revolver, etc.) for the passengers. After briefly rehearsing it they kept it in the film after one take. According to actress Bryant, "I said the classic thing is that the hysterical person gets slapped. How about we do that? And get somebody else like a nun to come in that you wouldn’t expect? That was all my idea."



In any case, there are three hard and fast things I can say about the "someone should slap Shirin!" confessional that are probably true. Those three things are:

1. It was almost definitely NOT said about Shirin in the water. I have no idea when it was said (Shirin wasn't even all that upset in the water), but I'm guessing there was a point in the game where Shirin became really angry or excited about something, and Dan got annoyed with her and called her hysterical in a confessional. And that comment probably led to...

2. ... the minute he called her hysterical, he realized that the classic comedy bit was you slap a hysterical person to make them shut up. So he just followed through with the bit, and that led to the infamous confessional.

3. Except the editors cut out the part at the start where Dan probably said "Shirin is hysterical, and someone probably needs to slap her." They just left in the part where he said, "Someone probably needs to slap her." And oh, whoops, now it sounds like Dan just walks around beating women.




The Woman Slayer
Oh yeah, and there's a fourth hard and fast thing about this confessional as well...


4. The producers are dicks.



From one of Max Dawson's postgame interviews:
"For superfans, it's just our lot in life. I knew going in that there was a 90% chance that would happen, that they would try to make me look bad in the episodes. I even talked about it in my pregame press. With Dan... I don't think he knew it."


Some interesting Twitter feedback about this part of the writeup:
"The thing is that Dan sees himself as the director of that Airplane! scene while we at home see him as those people who slap that woman. He counts on the fact that we have enough faith in him to know he understands that the butt of that joke are those people in line, not the woman. He is wrong about that."



I should also point out that the producers also inserted THIS confessional into the middle of the water scene. Right after Dan supposedly says Shirin needs to be beaten.

This is what the show does when they absolutely want a player to be buried.




"Dan just tries to rip me apart."




"He just flings insult after insult at me."




"And I actually felt sorry for Dan."




"So I just sorta sat back and thought, what else?"



Was Shirin saying this about the water scene? Or was she talking about some other point in the game? Are we even talking about the same thing here? Who knows! That's the magic of reality TV!

And for the record, of course I'm sure Dan did fling insults at her all the time. And I suspect she flung insults right back at him. From everything I've ever read about their relationship, I suspect Dan and Shirin sort of bickered like an old married couple.




If we ever get divorced, I'm keeping the title "superfan." You can have all the buffs though.



Okay, let's finish off this chapter.

So at the end of episode eight, Dan blows the immunity challenge.

And he blows it about as hard as an immunity challenge can be blown, which is fun.




This is the infamous Owituit, Oblaltay, Outlast challenge




"DAN! IS! WRONG!"




"MULTIPLE TIMES!"




pew pew



I'm not gonna harp too much on this challenge, mainly because I already covered it in earlier entry.

But in the words of Sue Hawk, Dan you sucked on that game.




FUCK!



Oh, and also, Joey Amazing sneaks in, and he steals Dan's immunity win.




There's your stolen election right there, baby



Which means Dan is now going to be super vulnerable at the big vote tonight.

FUCKITY FUCK!

After the immunity challenge, the vote tonight basically breaks down into the exact same showdown we had at the last vote.




It's basically the No Collar girls and Shirin




Who, remember, always thought of herself as a No Collar



It's the three of them, plus Joe...




And it's that little group of four, against everyone else



And to be fair, Shirin and her No Collars DO try very hard to turn the vote against Dan.




"You guys, Dan sucks!"



And this is really the only time Dan is in danger of going home for most of the game.




Please child, tell us how much Dan sucks




"He said I'm a fan, and I can't even do basic math."

Hali even deals Dan the ultimate of the Survivor insults.

When she hits him with the dreaded Babysitter Slam.







They even try to pull Sierra in with them, to deliver the death blow. 




They ask her to share her tales of Dan Foley woe.




"I don't even know where to start," says Sierra



And it really does look like Dan might be going home in this episode.

Especially now that everyone is sharing notes.




"You go misogynistic on the girls? Girls are gonna take you out."




"Dan."



It looks like the plan is in place.







But it's all going to be foiled in the end.

Because they just don't have enough votes.




I guess, maybe we should have learned basic math



Sierra even SOUNDS like she wants to join with the No Collars...




"Getting rid of Dan would be amazing."




"He said some very hurtful, unnecessary things, being a grown man."




"And I haven't forgave him for it."



But again, her loyalty is still to the Blue Collars and to Mike.




And that's how Mike inadvertently saves Dan yet again



And so that's the end of episode eight.




The non No Collar people decide which No Collar girl they want to get rid of, either Shirin, Jenn, or Hali

As Dan scratches




"I don't think we should vote for Shirin, she's never a threat."




Man, this is a really deep itch



And Dan gets to drop another anti-Shirin confessional onto us.

Note: I don't know why he took flak for this one at the reunion show. This one is actually pretty funny. Rob Cesternino couldn't have delivered this confessional any better than Dan did.




"Does Shirin have some sort of a hidden idol tonight?"




"I don't think her game's good enough to keep her mouth shut."




"I don't know. Maybe it is, you know?"




"Maybe she's, a, you know, an idiot savant."




"I'm leaning more towards the idiot side."



I mean, come on, you can't hate on Dan for THAT one. That's a great line.

Although I can't resist pointing out this little fact. Here is some feedback I got on this entry from Twitter.


"I'd like to point out that Dan stole that confessional from Jerri in Heroes vs Villains."



Anyway...

And then we go to Tribal Council.




And they all TRY to vote out the bearded one



But it just doesn't work.




*smuff*
And there's Dan Foley, sitting in the back at the end.







Looking all proud.




Like he actually had something to do with all this



Although before we put episode eight to bed, and we move on to the next one, I have to point out that Dan is actually responsible for one of the best moments of the season at this particular Tribal Council. Never forget that he actually brought a lot of good to this season, simply because he was such a smug little douche. And because he would never shut up.

I'll just finish with this last little section, pretty much verbatim.




"The key to this game, Jeff, is to believe in your alliance and stand by it."




"It's three magic words, Jeff."




"Flippers. Never. Win."




"That's bullshit. Flippers DO win."




"Tony flipped a million times, and he won."




Oh shit, it's on. It's a superfan trivia fight!




Flippers can and have won this game




Nuh-uh




Yuh-huh




No way




Yes way

"This is just a fear tactic Dan uses against his alliance, so they won't vote against him."




Someone should slap her



And then Hali buts in, of course, and she goes all America on Dan's ass.




"We're Tribe Merica, Jeff."




"What if the Colonists had never flipped on England?"




"I think flippers have a GREAT historical record."












Um, where the fuck did THAT come from?



And sadly, that's when we lose one of my favorites, Hali.




And, technically, I believe this is treason



In the next chapter, we'll see Dan's last futile efforts at trying to play the individual game.

Right before the season collapses on itself in episode ten, and the whole thing devolves into Total Drama Island.











Continue on to The Monkey's Paw Tale of Dan Foley - The Calm Before the Big Storm

Back to The Funny 115 - The Third One