The Funny 115 - version 2.0

#43.  Shane Powers - A.D.D. Psycho Boy
Exile Island - all season long

Ahhhh!   Invisible pixies on my fingertips!  Aaahhhhh!

There have been a lot of memorable, fun, unique characters in Survivor history, but if you are looking for a guy who was fun to watch because he was probably legitimately going crazy out there, you don't have to look any further than the A.D.D. Psycho Boy of Exile Island himself, Shane Powers.  

Without a doubt, he was one of the biggest slam dunk obvious choices to have a character entry when I sat down to create this countdown.

Shane approves

What makes Shane so worthy of getting his own character entry on the Funny 115?  Well that's easy.  For starters, he was nuts.

No, I don't mean he was nuts in the traditional sense.  I don't think Shane is going to go out and start sniping people off of a bell tower.  I don't think he is going to go around saying he was the best player in Survivor history when he only won one time out of four.  I don't think he is going to start taking strategy and life advice from his dead great grandfather, Jessum Blackberry.

No, when I talk about Shane being nuts, I am talking about the fact that he was slowly and obviously being driven nuts by the game of Survivor.

And just how was he being driven nuts?

Well why don't we just let Shane explain it to us in his own words.

It's day one of Exile Island, and Shane is about to explain the most poorly thought out detox plan in the annals of history.

"You know, I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day for 20 years, and I haven't had a cigarette in... like... 31 hours."

Shane without nicotine

"I mean, I'm at the end of my rope.  I'm fried."


"I'm not in a good spot, man.  Like, I've got to get through this detox for sure, this cigarette stuff."

"I hate you, trees!   I hate you, sky!   Fuck you too, cloud!"

"I can't lash out at anyone.  I can't.   I can't."

Shane ponders how he isn't going to ever lash out at anyone.

Man, this is going to suck.

So anyway, there you have it.  Shane's strategy going into Survivor.

He is going to smoke three packs a day for twenty years, and then the morning of Survivor he is going to quit.  Just like that.  Survivor-- probably the most stressful and mind-f'ing game on the face of the Earth, is going to be his totally immersive detox plan.

And from this great genesis of a storyline, this is how madness is born.

Mmmmmm.  Shane likes shiny things.

Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to mention something.  

I already mentioned how Shane was going through massive nicotine withdrawal all throughout Exile Island, right?   And I mentioned how he referred to himself as "A.D.D. psycho boy" even before he got hit by the lack of cigarettes, correct?  And I mentioned how he liked to refer to himself as "34 going on 12" even before he started to slowly drive himself crazy.  Didn't I?

"I'm not old.  I'm 34 going on 12."

Well take all these quirky, odd, unpredictable, spontaneous character traits, and then throw massive nicotine withdrawal on top of it.  And then you pretty much have Shane's life for the next 39 days.  It is going to be a one huge crazy orgy of anger and unpredictability.

Oh wait, no that isn't quite it.

I forgot to mention something.   Not only is Shane going to be slowly driven crazy because of Survivor and chemical dependency, he is also going to be slowly driven crazy by the fact that he is an alliance with two of the most annoying people on the face of the Earth.

"Hi, I'm a fire dancer."

"Hi, I'm a meatball."

And this is where Shane snaps.  From this point in the game, from the minute he meets up with and aligns with Courtney and Danielle, that is when the legend of "Shane the A.D.D. Psycho Boy" is officially born.

Shane before Danielle and Courtney.   It is the last time he will ever smile.

"Shane, why is your aura so dark?  I really think we should hug more."

"Shane, you aren't listening to me!  Listen to me, I have some good ideas!"

"Shane, what color do you think love is?   Do you think when God cries, it makes flowers?"

"Shane, you need to pay attention when I'm talking!  Why are you always such a dick?"

"Shane, did you know that when I fart it smells like bunnies?"

And yes.   There you have it.   For the entire rest of the season... thanks to the nicotine, the game of Survivor, and the Casaya alliance... Shane is now officially crazy.


There are so many great Shane moments and scenes and quotes from Exile Island, but unfortunately (or fortunately if you are a Shane fan) most of them are going to get their own entry on the Funny 115.  In fact, up to this point, he has already had three entries- #104. Shane's Pooch, #94. Shane's Response to Danielle the Motivational Speaker, and #70. Shane's Blindside.

The good news about Shane having so many entries (not to mention the five Shane entries that haven't even come yet) is that by the end of the countdown, he is going to be all over the Funny 115 (as well he should be, he is one of the all time best characters).  The bad news, of course, is there isn't all that much left to write about for his character entry.  Most of the stuff you think would show up in a Shane entry is going to wind up in his other scene specific entries.


There is a silver lining here.

Remember, when we talk about Shane Powers, we aren't talking about just your everyday random funny minor character here.  We are talking about Shane.  We are talking about probably one of the ten or fifteen most entertaining characters in Survivor history.

When I say that "Most of his big moments are going to get their own entries", that isn't really as big a deal as it would be for other minor Survivor characters.  Because would you believe there are still seven different Shane scenes I can also write about here in his character entry?

That's right.  Shane Powers is going to show up on the Funny 115 in nine different entries.  And then in this one I have seven specific scenes that I couldn't even fit into their own entry.  Shane Powers might actually come close to Coach as the person with the most overall moments on the Funny 115.

I like chicken!  Grrrrrr!

So anyway, here we go.  The seven Shane moments that I couldn't fit into their own entry, but I thought were funny enough to include on the Funny 115.  If you haven't appreciated Shane as a character until now, I sure hope that changes.

1.  Shane quits, but can't quit.

I love this part of his storyline.  Shane makes a quickie alliance with Courtney, Danielle, and Aras on day four, but then suddenly decides he wants to quit because the nicotine withdrawal is too hard on him.  Only he can't quit because his three alliance mates won't let him.  This type of ridiculous storyline only could have happened to someone like Shane.

Day four - "I've got this awesome new alliance with these awesome new people!"

Shane!  *whine*  *whine*  Strategy!  *whine*  *whine*

"I want to go home."

"We love you Shane.  Don't leave.  We need you."

"And I'm back!"

"Shane, your chakra seems really dirty.   We should really go meditate and smear each other with fluids."

"This sucks.  Get me out of here."

"Shane, you can't leave!  No startsies, no quitsies!"

"And I'm back!"

"Shane!"  *whine*  *whine*   "Bobby."  *whine*  *whine*  "Outhouse."

"Shane!"  *whine* *whine*   "He drank the bottle!"  *whine*  *whine*  "Aras took my rock."

"Shane!"  *whine*  *whine*   "He dropped a deuce."  *whine*  "He did a King's Ransom."  *whine*  "He's not a gentleman."

Hopes for death

2.  Shane flips out over his thinking seat

Everybody loves this scene.  Shane just randomly flips out over the fact that people in Casaya might sit in his special magic place.  

There is no lead up to this scene.  No warning.  No preamble.  No nothing.  Shane is just sitting there talking and he decides to randomly snap.  It is beautiful.

It's episode three, and Danielle's breasts are coming over to check on the fire.  I love the shot of looming Shane in the background just waiting for her.

Don't fuck with this guy

Shane decides he is going to start speaking

"It's mine for the rest of the..."

"Please.  Actually.   Could no one else sit on my thinking seat?   Please?"

"Why's it have to be yours?"

"Because I PICKED IT.   (screaming)   YOU WANT THIS ONE?!  I'LL GO GET ANOTHER ONE!!"

(screaming)  "I WANT ONE!  -THIS- ONE!!"






Cirie busts up



3.  Shane falls off the wagon during a reward trip

This is a great scene where Shane is on a reward trip with the Casayas, and a smoking kid who was planted by CBS for drama purposes Panamanian teenager walks by who is smoking a cigarette.  Well, considering that Shane is deeply deeply in the throes of nicotine withdrawal at this point, you can pretty much guess what happens next.  He pretty much begs the kid for a cigarette, and then falls completely off the detox wagon.

Shane sees the kid smoking, and starts begging him for a cigarette

That?  Yes.  For me.  

"This is probably a really bad decision."

And then we get one of the most iconic images of Shane Powers in Panama.



Shane starts smoking away, and that's when the nicotine suddenly comes rushing back into his system.  Needless to say, after two plus weeks of going cold turkey, he isn't quite ready for it.


More smoking

Happy Shane

Uhhhh durrrrrrrr

4.  Shane stuffs his face

This is one of those scenes that dozens of people requested when I asked for Funny 115 nominees.  Look for the final image at the end and you will understand why.  This scene features one of the twenty best screen caps on the Funny 115.

It's the episode nine immunity challenge, and Shane has opted to eat instead of compete in the challenge.

The goal is to eat as much as you can before the challenge ends.  Om nom nom nom.

About ten minutes into the challenge, Terry wins immunity.  The challenge is over.

Instead of putting his food down like he is supposed to, Shane decides to stuff the entire rest of the burger into his mouth.  All in one motion.

"That's it.  Stop eating guys."

And that's when we get the Hall of Fame Funny 115 images seen below.

Shane has literally unhinged his jaw and stuffed in the food like he is a snake.


Probst sees this and busts up

5.  Shane has a bad round in the reward challenge

Awesome scene.  I don't even have to add much commentary to this one.  The pictures pretty much speak for themselves.

It's episode ten, and Probst is running the infamous "Talk shit about the other people left in the game" challenge.

"Question number three.  Who mistakenly believes they are running this game?"

Shane reacts

"News to you, Shane?"


Courtney comes up immediately afterwards and she chops one of Shane's ropes.

"I chop you Shane, but I still love you.  I love your spirit."

Fuck you.

"Wow.  That was a rough round for you, Shane."

Glaring daggers

Cirie sees this and busts up

6.  Shane and his Blackberry

Here is another great scene that was requested by a lot of people.  

It is the eleventh episode of Exile Island, and by this point Shane has pretty much gone completely insane.  One day he picks up a random piece of wood, and he starts calling it his Blackberry.

Shane shows off his new Blackberry.


Shane logs onto Facebook and checks on his Farmville game

Danielle's breasts are confused

"My Blackberry is awesome."

"It's got texting, email, phone, web browser... it's got everything."

"When I think about something I want to tell my partner, I shoot him off.  Or talk to my son, because my son can text on his cell phone."

"It's actually helped my day.  I am communicating with people not on this island."

"He's nuts."

7.  Shane's final challenge in Panama

Not many people remember this scene, but it is a personal favorite of mine.  In fact, this happens to by my kids' favorite scene from Exile Island.  My son and my daughter happened to be watching some of the seasons with me when I was researching the countdown, and to this day they still remember Shane saying "Shaddap!" to Terry.  Every time I say I am writing an entry about Shane, my daughter says, "Hey I know him.  Isn't he the Shaddap guy?"  

So anyway, here you go.  Shane's final blaze of glory in Exile Island.  

It is the episode twelve immunity challenge, and the final five players are competing to see who will make it to the final four.

Sure enough, like always, Terry wins.


"Terry!  Wins immunity!  For the fifth straight time!  He's almost as awesome as Boston Rob!"


Terry celebrates by doing a backflip into the water.

And this is where we come to the part that my daughter always remembers.

"Alrighty!!!  Yeahhhh!!   Woooooooo!!!!"

(in an annoyed voice) "Shaddddddap."

With the challenge over now, and his fate pretty much sealed, Shane has one more final awesome moment before he is blindsided at Tribal Council.

"Cirie, Shane, Danielle, Aras, for one of you, the game will come to an end tonight."

Shane hears Probst say this and starts mimicking him.

(in a deep dramatic voice)  "For one of you..."

"The game will END tonight!"

(imitating dramatic music)  "Dun dun dun dun."

And then later that night, of course, Shane is blindsided.


So what are we to make of all of this?

How are we supposed to remember the legacy of Shane Powers in Exile Island?

I don't know.  All I know is that he was a funny character in a freaking funny season, and I am honored to give him his very own character entry here on the Funny 115.

Thank you for everything Shane.

"Screw this.  I quit."


"And I'm back!"

P.S.  I was going to finish the entry there, but then I got this great quote from a poster named Kaida over at Survivor Sucks.  

I asked if there were any favorite scenes anybody wanted me to write about in a Shane character entry, and Kaida said that I should add a paragraph about the way he walked.  Quoth Kaida:  

"The way Shane walked cracked me up. Arched back, pelvis forward, belly out, shoulders pulled up and back. He looked like a constipated stick insect."

And well, there you go.  

For the record, any email that successfully uses the phrase "constipated stick insect" is probably going to make it into the Funny 115.  I just feel it is fair to announce that at this point.  Thank you Kaida!

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