The Funny 115 - The Third One

#2. The Monkey's Paw Tale of Dan Foley
Worlds Apart - All Season Long

When it came to writing an entry about one of the single greatest characters in Survivor history, I decided I had two different ways I could go with it. I could either start this entry with one of my favorite Dan quotes, or I could start it with another. And in the end, I couldn't decide which one of them fit best. So here are two of my favorite Dan Foley quotes, and you pick which one works best.

"As a big fan of this game, you HAVE to expect the bombs to drop."

"You just hope it doesn't drop on you."

And then, we have this quote. Which didn't happen in an episode, I pulled it from one of his postgame interviews.

"My life is Faustian."

Anyway, this is my long-awaited Dan Foley character entry. Which you have either been eagerly looking forward to, or dreading with all of your heart, depending on which side of the Dan debate you fall into. To most Survivor fans, he's either the devil incarnate, or he's James Miller if you inflated him up to full PSI. He's either the worst, or the best.

I know how to communicate with women, hell yea

And, well, before I get started, I just want you to know that all I am hoping for out of this entry... is healing. All I want is some sort of reconciliation between the two sides. At a time when our nation has never been more divided, or more polarized, or more torn apart by differences, this writeup should hopefully bridge the gap between us all.

All I want, at the end of the day, is for you to realize that Dan Foley was:

A) Probably the most ridiculous character in Survivor history
B) The recipient of one of the most memorable edits we have ever seen on Survivor
C) Even more self-unaware than Heidi in Amazon, if that's even possible
D) A guy no one in Worlds Apart took seriously as a threat, not even for a second
E) The walking embodiment of the famous horror story, "The Monkey's Paw"

And of course this last one. It's kind of subtle, you have to go looking for it...

F) A big, loud, embarrassing fat guy

This isn't even a picture of Dan. I bet you thought it was though.

And with that, let's get on with the entry. Let's get on with the healing.

It's time to appreciate the trainwreck that is Dan Foley.

The audacity

Note: This is a REALLY long entry, so I have split it into fifteen different chapters. Hope you put aside some spare reading time today. :)

Here are all the chapters:

1. The Intro
2. Meeting Our Hero
3. The Ocean Giveth, and The Ocean Taketh Away
4. Happy Mother's Day!
5. The Danimal Gets in Your Head
6. The Sierra Apologies
7. Merge Time!
8. Dan, the Smooth-Talking Rogue
9. The Calm Before the Big Storm
10. Total Drama Island
11. When You're Just Tyler's Play Toy
12. The Most Unhappy Birthday
13. Last Dan Standing
14. The Bringer of Justice
15. All of the Aftermath
Bonus Page: Lots of great reader feedback about this entry

You can start off the journey here, with The Monkey's Paw Tale of Dan Foley - The Intro

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