Hello,
my name is Mario Lanza, and I am an internet comedy writer. And Norm
Macdonald has been my favorite comedian, and hero, for more than thirty
years. And this is just a little tribute page I put together to
celebrate his run on SNL Weekend Update back in the mid-to-late 90s.
Not everyone agrees with me that Norm was the greatest Update anchor of all time. But I'm hoping that after seeing 450+ of his greatest Weekend Update jokes all on one page... well... you will.
Hollywood prostitute Divine Brown has written a book, describing in lurid detail exactly what she did with Hugh Grant.
The book sells for twenty-five dollars, but for thirty-five dollars, she'll show you.
Quick backstory: Norm first appeared on my radar around 1990 or 91. This was a few years before he was hired by Saturday Night Live. He was just this weird skinny Canadian dude who was featured a lot on Comedy Central, and I believe he had starred in an HBO One Night Stand. He had also once been a contestant on Star Search.
A lot of people believe that Norm just suddenly appeared on SNL around 1993, and that he was pulled out of nowhere. But that wasn't actually the case at all. He was already a pretty big name before that. He had already been selected the "Viewer's Choice" Favorite Comedian on Comedy Central in both 1992 AND 1993. When he won that award two years in a row, that's when I realized he was going to become a pretty big deal.
I'm not gonna spend too much time talking about Norm's early years in stand-up. If you want to watch them, they're easily available on the internet, go watch them for yourself. But you have to realize that early stand-up comedian Norm Macdonald wasn't ANYTHING like the Norm we would later see on Weekend Update. Early Norm Macdonald was much closer to Mitch Hedberg. He was just this weird, gangly Canadian guy, who had the weirdest way of phrasing things, and the weirdest cadence. And he had the most offbeat, unconventional sense of humor. You never knew where his punchline was going to go, because his sense of humor was just so unpredictable. And as a budding young comedy writer myself, I remember I fell in love with him almost INSTANTLY. Because there was nobody else like him. Where other comedians would zig, Norm Macdonald would zag. His jokes were unusual, whimsical, even at times childlike. Again, the best comparison I can make to him is a young Mitch Hedberg.
Now, obviously, this isn't the version of Norm that you probably have in your head. You probably just remember him for the O.J. jokes. But my god, Norm was SO MUCH MORE than just the O.J. jokes. He was also a lot more than the David Hasselhoff jokes and the Frank Stallone jokes. And I think it's a shame that he only gets remembered for those. To me, Norm was one of the rare examples of a guy who was an actual five-tool comedian. If you've never heard "five-tool" before, that's a baseball scouting term. It refers to a young baseball prospect who can A. hit, B. hit for power, C. run, D. field, and E. throw. If you find a prospect who can do ALL five of those things... as a scout, you know you've got a potential young star.
Well, as a comedian, Norm was definitely a five-tool comedian. I mean, just go through the jokes I have included on the following pages. Norm could do smart. Norm could do dumb. Norm could pull off the most amazingly subtle, cerebral joke in the world, and then... five seconds later... bomb on purpose and be met with dead silence. Because Norm always thought that silence was funny. Oh yeah, and then five seconds later, he would napalm some beloved celebrity out of nowhere, and you would wince because you couldn't believe he actually just said that on live TV.
Every Weekend Update with Norm was a rollercoaster of emotions and reactions, and that's what I loved about him. He was one of the greatest examples of a sentence that was once said about Andy Kaufman: "He never leaves an audience the same way he found it."
Was Norm Macdonald fired over all the O.J. jokes? I mean, I'm sure it didn't help. You can't keep harping on someone THAT famous, and not expect some fallout over it. But I don't think it was the ONLY reason he was fired.
To me, the thing that got Norm fired was the fact that... well... to be honest... I think he was always just secretly daring NBC to fire him. Seriously, read through the 400+ jokes I have included on the following pages, and tell me that doesn't sound like a guy who is just daring someone to stop him.
Norm started his Weekend Update career as this weird, offbeat, Canadian oddity we saw back on Star Search. But he quickly got emboldened by how much power he had as a Weekend Update anchor. And by some of the news he was now being allowed to comment on. And by the fact that he was now teamed with Jim Downey, who was known as a notorious button-pusher.
And then... I mean...
... my personal opinion is, it's amazing we got as many seasons of Norm as we did. A lesser comedian would have been fired by the end of his first season. Norm only got away with it for as long as he did because he had a lot of very vocal fans out there (like me, and like just about every other comedian who was around at the time), and because he was a rock star. But I'm guessing the executives were cringing every time he appeared on live TV during his glory days. Even BEFORE all the O.J. stuff.
Norm (and Downey, of course) was just that savage at times.
In a highly unusual ruling, the California State Supreme Court declared this week that O.J. Simpson attorney Alan Dershowitz is, quote, "one ugly bastard."
Anyway, enough about Norm's backstory. Let's get to the jokes. Let's get to the guy who Tina Fey once called "The last dangerous SNL castmember." And who David Spade once warned new castmembers about because "Oh, did you hear? Norm's crazy." And then there's the famous old adage that lots of people have said about Norm: "Jesus, that guy just didn't care." Which was recently elaborated on by Late Night's Andy Richter in an interview. His first thought upon meeting Norm for the first time, and looking into his eyes? "This guy doesn't care. In a way that FRIGHTENS me."
I do believe that Norm cared about Weekend Update. I think he cared about it a lot. But alas, if you're THAT dedicated to the art of comedy, as Norm seemed to be, then the joke is always going to come first. The comedy always wins in the end. And if the comedy winds up getting you fired? Welp, that's just the way that it goes. But at least you went down in flames. At least you went out a legend.
To me, that's the legacy of Norm Macdonald on Saturday Night Live.
He may have gone down in flames eventually. But he never let up.
The comedy always came first.
Okay, and now here we go with the fun stuff. I went through EVERY one of Norm's Weekend Updates over the years, and I have collected over four hundred and fifty of my favorite Norm Macdonald jokes for you. And I have divided them into categories so you can see how much of a five-tool comedian he was.
Want a smart joke? There's a page of just smart jokes. Want a silly joke? There's a page of just those. Want a page of him ripping Michael Jackson a new asshole? Well I can promise you aren't ready for those... but yes, there's a page just of those. I even included a page of him bombing (sometimes on purpose), and how delighted it always seemed to make him. Because honestly, he really WAS was the Andy Kaufman of Weekend Update anchors. He never left an audience the same way he found it.
And now, if you think you're ready for them, on with the jokes!
-Mario Lanza
9/23/21
Not everyone agrees with me that Norm was the greatest Update anchor of all time. But I'm hoping that after seeing 450+ of his greatest Weekend Update jokes all on one page... well... you will.
Hollywood prostitute Divine Brown has written a book, describing in lurid detail exactly what she did with Hugh Grant.
The book sells for twenty-five dollars, but for thirty-five dollars, she'll show you.
Quick backstory: Norm first appeared on my radar around 1990 or 91. This was a few years before he was hired by Saturday Night Live. He was just this weird skinny Canadian dude who was featured a lot on Comedy Central, and I believe he had starred in an HBO One Night Stand. He had also once been a contestant on Star Search.
A lot of people believe that Norm just suddenly appeared on SNL around 1993, and that he was pulled out of nowhere. But that wasn't actually the case at all. He was already a pretty big name before that. He had already been selected the "Viewer's Choice" Favorite Comedian on Comedy Central in both 1992 AND 1993. When he won that award two years in a row, that's when I realized he was going to become a pretty big deal.
I'm not gonna spend too much time talking about Norm's early years in stand-up. If you want to watch them, they're easily available on the internet, go watch them for yourself. But you have to realize that early stand-up comedian Norm Macdonald wasn't ANYTHING like the Norm we would later see on Weekend Update. Early Norm Macdonald was much closer to Mitch Hedberg. He was just this weird, gangly Canadian guy, who had the weirdest way of phrasing things, and the weirdest cadence. And he had the most offbeat, unconventional sense of humor. You never knew where his punchline was going to go, because his sense of humor was just so unpredictable. And as a budding young comedy writer myself, I remember I fell in love with him almost INSTANTLY. Because there was nobody else like him. Where other comedians would zig, Norm Macdonald would zag. His jokes were unusual, whimsical, even at times childlike. Again, the best comparison I can make to him is a young Mitch Hedberg.
Now, obviously, this isn't the version of Norm that you probably have in your head. You probably just remember him for the O.J. jokes. But my god, Norm was SO MUCH MORE than just the O.J. jokes. He was also a lot more than the David Hasselhoff jokes and the Frank Stallone jokes. And I think it's a shame that he only gets remembered for those. To me, Norm was one of the rare examples of a guy who was an actual five-tool comedian. If you've never heard "five-tool" before, that's a baseball scouting term. It refers to a young baseball prospect who can A. hit, B. hit for power, C. run, D. field, and E. throw. If you find a prospect who can do ALL five of those things... as a scout, you know you've got a potential young star.
Well, as a comedian, Norm was definitely a five-tool comedian. I mean, just go through the jokes I have included on the following pages. Norm could do smart. Norm could do dumb. Norm could pull off the most amazingly subtle, cerebral joke in the world, and then... five seconds later... bomb on purpose and be met with dead silence. Because Norm always thought that silence was funny. Oh yeah, and then five seconds later, he would napalm some beloved celebrity out of nowhere, and you would wince because you couldn't believe he actually just said that on live TV.
Every Weekend Update with Norm was a rollercoaster of emotions and reactions, and that's what I loved about him. He was one of the greatest examples of a sentence that was once said about Andy Kaufman: "He never leaves an audience the same way he found it."
"Comedy is surprises. So if you're intending to make somebody laugh, and they don't laugh, that's funny."
-Norm Macdonald
-Norm Macdonald
Was Norm Macdonald fired over all the O.J. jokes? I mean, I'm sure it didn't help. You can't keep harping on someone THAT famous, and not expect some fallout over it. But I don't think it was the ONLY reason he was fired.
To me, the thing that got Norm fired was the fact that... well... to be honest... I think he was always just secretly daring NBC to fire him. Seriously, read through the 400+ jokes I have included on the following pages, and tell me that doesn't sound like a guy who is just daring someone to stop him.
Norm started his Weekend Update career as this weird, offbeat, Canadian oddity we saw back on Star Search. But he quickly got emboldened by how much power he had as a Weekend Update anchor. And by some of the news he was now being allowed to comment on. And by the fact that he was now teamed with Jim Downey, who was known as a notorious button-pusher.
And then... I mean...
... my personal opinion is, it's amazing we got as many seasons of Norm as we did. A lesser comedian would have been fired by the end of his first season. Norm only got away with it for as long as he did because he had a lot of very vocal fans out there (like me, and like just about every other comedian who was around at the time), and because he was a rock star. But I'm guessing the executives were cringing every time he appeared on live TV during his glory days. Even BEFORE all the O.J. stuff.
Norm (and Downey, of course) was just that savage at times.
In a highly unusual ruling, the California State Supreme Court declared this week that O.J. Simpson attorney Alan Dershowitz is, quote, "one ugly bastard."
Anyway, enough about Norm's backstory. Let's get to the jokes. Let's get to the guy who Tina Fey once called "The last dangerous SNL castmember." And who David Spade once warned new castmembers about because "Oh, did you hear? Norm's crazy." And then there's the famous old adage that lots of people have said about Norm: "Jesus, that guy just didn't care." Which was recently elaborated on by Late Night's Andy Richter in an interview. His first thought upon meeting Norm for the first time, and looking into his eyes? "This guy doesn't care. In a way that FRIGHTENS me."
I do believe that Norm cared about Weekend Update. I think he cared about it a lot. But alas, if you're THAT dedicated to the art of comedy, as Norm seemed to be, then the joke is always going to come first. The comedy always wins in the end. And if the comedy winds up getting you fired? Welp, that's just the way that it goes. But at least you went down in flames. At least you went out a legend.
To me, that's the legacy of Norm Macdonald on Saturday Night Live.
He may have gone down in flames eventually. But he never let up.
The comedy always came first.
“If
you don’t believe in the joke, why do it in the first place? Don’t let
the audience be the judge of what’s funny. You either think it’s funny
or you don’t. That’s the problem with comedy--it’s so subjective that
you really can’t take other people’s opinions seriously.”
-Norm Macdonald, 1995
-Norm Macdonald, 1995
Okay, and now here we go with the fun stuff. I went through EVERY one of Norm's Weekend Updates over the years, and I have collected over four hundred and fifty of my favorite Norm Macdonald jokes for you. And I have divided them into categories so you can see how much of a five-tool comedian he was.
Want a smart joke? There's a page of just smart jokes. Want a silly joke? There's a page of just those. Want a page of him ripping Michael Jackson a new asshole? Well I can promise you aren't ready for those... but yes, there's a page just of those. I even included a page of him bombing (sometimes on purpose), and how delighted it always seemed to make him. Because honestly, he really WAS was the Andy Kaufman of Weekend Update anchors. He never left an audience the same way he found it.
And now, if you think you're ready for them, on with the jokes!
-Mario Lanza
9/23/21
My Favorite Norm Macdonald Jokes From Saturday Night Live
